Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Don’t you ever just want to scream, Shut the Fawk Up!?


Warning: Here is a surly moment from my airplane ride on Sunday.

My anxiety is riding high. I can tell by the increase in my sound sensitivity. All the people around me are fuckers. This is just how I feel.

I used to wonder at my sound sensitivities. Why do I go through moments when noises get the best of me? It turns my brain into scrambled eggs and soon I’m fantasizing about violence, or in the least, making very rude remarks. Like, “When you pop your gum like that, you are really UGLY.” Or, “Nobody likes loud page-turning magazine fuckers.” Or, “What kind of asshole thinks we all want to hear you chew ice?”

A therapist years ago (Yes, I’m sure it helps you feel better knowing that I have been “therapized.”) keyed me in on the fact that these are indicators that my anxiety is running high. No, I am not turning into a rage-filled lunatic ready to take everyone out. I’m just feeling anxious is all. On edge. Uncertain. NOT IN CONTROL of everything.

And when that happens, I get all ballistic about people that CHAT a little too loud or have the audacity to chew. For crying out loud. I have, sadly, even snapped at my mom before about banging on the computer keys too loud. She was so sweet. She said, “But, Kristy, they’re broken. I’m sorry. I’m trying to be quiet.”

The next day, I discovered that our keyboard had been attacked by a one-year old maniac, and the keys were, indeed, very hard to push, and I felt so bad that I had said anything to my mom.

Ugh. Anxiety. Waiting. Wondering. Hoping. Hearing all these INVASIVE shit noises around me. This too shall pass.

31 comments:

Christy said...

Now I know why I had days like that when my kids were little.

chele said...

Are you a musician by chance? My ex-boyfriend, who is a musician is the exact same way. I am able to totally ignore background noises of any kind but he could hear a mosquito pissing in the wind and get mad because it disturbed him.

karen said...

Hi Kristy,
your post makes me think of strawberries, for some reason :)

cristina said...

I'm sorry :(

Paul and Kerry said...

so hilarious! I'm sure it's so hard to not say those things out loud. or do you?

Kristy said...

Chele, that's funny you say that. I would not say I am a musician per se, but I am proficient with flute (doesn't that sound funny?) - and some piano.

Kerry, I write these things. But you know what? My brother SAYS them. When he picked me up from the airport, he instantly starts talking about his flight and how he got so mad he was dropping F bombs on the plane afraid of being kicked off. We laughed. I write it. He says it.

Melissa B. said...

Gum-crackers and snorters are what get me going. I totally understand your frustration. Thanks for the giggle. SITS sent me by, and I'm glad they did!

One for the Road

Jen said...

Loud chewers are awful!

Stephanie in Suburbia said...

For me it's throat clearing or sniffling. That makes me INSANE! Reason #400 I am more emotionally healthy now that I work at home. Offices always build my anxiety level.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Don't worry, everything will calm down eventually. Besides, you don't have to sit next to those darn gum-chewing, ice-crunching, paper turning jerks forever!

Ratz said...

oh Kristy... i so agree with you.. i think i need therapy as well.... sometimes i cannot subdue the voices in my head... at times i really think i could murder someone... i have never been proud about it but just saying.... and i also think that had i been in ur place, my mum would have thrown me out of the house...

xoxo

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

I actually feel like this quite often but I don't usually verbalize what I'm thinking. I will *think* hard at you and curse you in my mind, but I internalize it most of the time. That's probably why I have an ulcer.

frogpondsrock said...

My pet hate is hearing people eat. I can totally relate to this post, totally.

Babes about Town said...

Well as a friend of mine said the other day it's either because you're Type A or Type ADD! I think we all have those moments when the slightest things piss us off.

Thanks so much for your sweet comments on my SITS Day. Returning the love!

Glen said...

sshhhh, I'm trying to read...

Quasi Serendipita said...

I'm chuckling but honestly...chewing. Gets me every time. And scraping cutlery??? Or worse - banging cutlery on teeth. Grrrr. I feel your pain!! Stopping by from SITS :-) (love Glen's comment by the way!)

Cheryl said...

Ice crunchers ARE a bunch of fucktard assholes.

This post made me laugh. Of course, I'd just yelled SHUT UP at my kids. Awesome mom moment.

Annette said...

Oh Kristy. You wouldn't be a type A personality by chance? I so want to be in control of everything...so much that I think my lesson here on earth is that I can't be. I mean really, life is constantly changing things up just to teach me that I have no say over what happens ever. So, for me too, anxiety runs high...if you know a solution for it, please send it my way :)

Krista said...

To answer your question (quietly) Yes... pretty much every damned day! lol!

Crystal Escobar said...

Omg you are hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh :)

Babes Mami said...

I am similar to you...I'm thinking about making an appointment for some medicine when it happens so that I can hang on to my relationships.

Amy said...

I.SO.GET.THIS.

I haven't had the pleasure of being "therapized" so it never occurred to me that moments when I feel this way, I am extremely anxious and not in control.

Perhaps I should look into being medicated.

Counldn't hurt.

Kisha said...

Wow, I can't believe I never made the correlation between sound sensitivity and anxiety! I get that way sometimes...when the tv is just way too loud, my husband eating sounds like a pig at a trough....it all makes sense now. Thanks for the epiphany!

Kristy said...

Kisha, I know, right??!! It was an epiphany to me too.

Yup, I am type A, people. Oh yeah.

Lori @ RRSAHM said...

Ugh. Type A, and very sensitive to noise when I'm anxious too. And besides that, people are just freaking annoying ;)

life In A Pink Fibro said...

I'm pretty good at blocking background noise, but anxiety amps up everything.

hotpants™ said...

I get like this from time to time. Thank God it's not every day. I'd kill myself.

kathryn said...

I feel this way more times than I care to remember. The gum-snapping, the lady who wants everyone in a 50-foot radius to hear what she has to say, the chick who's so busy yakking on her cell, she doesn't even see her toddler's dumping all the deposit slips out of the holder at the bank. That's when I go to my happy place...and order a martini. 3 olives, please.

WarsawMommy said...

Yep, I get it about the gum chewers, especially when they sit right behind me on the bus. For some reason, if the sound is behind me, it makes me 600 times more irritable. But you know what sound makes me CRAZY? When people cut their nails with clippers. On public transport! Urgh. Revolting.

WarsawMommy said...

Oh, and? I hate the sound of people chewing. HATE. IT.

OK, I think I'm done now.

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