Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Invitation to my Bedroom (Wordless Wednesday)

Today, the maniac is at daycare, and the husband is away.

I am spending the morning in my favorite place of the house. My bedroom. Well, technically, I guess it is "our" bedroom (my husband and me), but really, it is MY bedroom. He just gets half the bed. Almost half.

My other baby gets quality rest time with his mama:

This is my view as I lay in bed. I stare at the light coming in the windows.

This is the picture directly in front of me. No, it is not a portrait of me. It is Flaming June. She just looks just like I do right now. (Shout out to my dear, good friend, Jen, who sent me this!)

This is a painting I stare at as well. My dear Grandma painted this of my son.

My dear Grandma also painted this beautiful painting that hangs above our bed. It is my husband and me, at the beach.

My bedroom is a definite homage to relaxation. Is yours?

I'm linking up with Wordless Wednesday at Live and Love Out Loud.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Why do people visit my blog?

If you are a blogger, and you are ever bored, I highly suggest taking a look at recent keyword searches that have landed people on your blog. It can be interesting, funny, poignant, and scary all at the same time!


Since the beginning of my blog, I have two phrases that repeatedly land people on my blog.

“How do you make love stay?” (along with some kind of Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker reference) I have blogged about Tom Robbins’ material here and here. I just never realized that so many people would have constant interest in this phrase and Tom Robbins together. The book was written in 1980, but must have some kind of cult following!

“If it wasn’t this, it’d be something else.” I blogged about this as being one of my favorite quotes from a movie, Elizabethtown. I find it interesting that people constantly search this entire phrase and share my love for it!


“shell shocked by colicky newborn” Well, whoever searched that came to the right place!!! I hear ya, been there, done that, and am blogging about it. If you choose "colic" on my search terms, you will come up with the following posts:
Are You Fixable?
Are You Cut Out to be a Mom?
Meet Your New Boss. He's Angry.
The New Mom 'Look'
THE Reflux
Are You Going to Have Another One?

“badoo montreal pee pee haha” WTF? This phrase landed on this post.


“What to do when you don’t feel cut out to be a mother” Whoever this was, I feel for, and I’m so glad she found me and read my post on this subject. This is why I blog. Because I felt like this too, and I felt alone. We are all so not alone. We are connected in more ways than we realize.


“Little boys in big trouble with mom” Hmmm. What is this searcher’s intentions here? A little shady I think. Unfortunately, my blog ranked #1 on Google for this search term and landed someone on my post, “Little Kid, Big Trouble,” and I hope they were highly disappointed to merely read about myself as a child committing graffiti with this catchy line, “I’m a mean mother fucker from Sesame Street gonna kick your ass from street to street.”

Peace out.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Imitation of Life

The sound of brush on canvas was all she desired to hear. The tension of the day almost released through the quick movement of her hands. Her subject this time was the massive, breathtaking landscape of The Grand Canyon, but if you looked closely, the detail given to a pack mule was beyond intricate. She had spent countless hours perfecting this part of her current piece without quite understanding what drew her to it. As she banged the brush on the side of the easel, shaking off water, her husband walked in and stood behind her.

She could hear him breathing behind her, and then a low burp that he tried to mask by slowing blowing it out.

"What is that? Are you in here drawing a jackass?" he asked.

She said nothing and only waited for him to leave.

He chuckled. "A freaking donkey," he said, shaking his head and walking away.

We all carry our loads, she thought.

This was a piece for Red Writing Hood. Write a flash fiction of 300 words or less with the following inspiration: LIFE.

Monday, June 20, 2011

The Rom Com (Family Vacation Part 2)

I could sense that something was wrong. My mom's boyfriend, Carlos, was talking in a hushed tone. I picked up the word, "Uncomfortable."

Oh boy. He had finally had it. He couldn't take us anymore. We were crass and awful people, and he wanted out.

"What's wrong?" I asked my mom next to me.

"Nothing!" My mom said a little too quickly and loudly. "Nothing at all! Why?"

I looked at Carlos' face. It was tense. I looked at her. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No! No, sweetheart, everything's fine!" My mom said emphatically.

Carlos had caught wind of my worry. "Oh, no, no, Kristy, don't worry, nothing is wrong. It is not you," Carlos explained.

It was not me.


I looked around at the other suspects.

My son was rubbing the face of his apple on the table and then eating it.

My husband was calculating the right moment he could go interrupt one of his favorite lead singers at a nearby table and get a picture of him (Roger Clyne). You see, here's the proof:

My husband, Roger Clyne (from The Refreshments and Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers), and my brother

My brother was nearly single-handedly finishing the pitcher of margarita on the table.

My niece was looking for hungry, skinny dogs to feel sorry for. We found one. See, look:

But he was too cute and peppy looking to feel sorry for. (Look closely - there is a small Chihuahua peeking at us on top of the restaurant roof.)

Suddenly, Carlos began to speak.

He had a speech. It didn't take long to realize that something exciting was about to happen. He was going to propose!

But, no! There would be no proposal and some long, boring engagement.

There was to be a WEDDING on our resort balcony THE NEXT DAY! My mom was getting married!

Much hugging, kissing, and shouting occurred. Carlos is a smart guy. He knows that we are a family that loves excitement.

Sure enough, the next day, on the balcony of our hotel room was a simple and touching wedding ceremony with only the most important people in our small family.

It was just the way they wanted it.

(Well, except for Parker attempting to break out in a hockey game in the middle of it all and then force loud burps.)

But, besides that, the love was in the air.

Our family has blessedly grown by one.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Blooper Reel (Family Vacation Part 1)

Oh, what a time we had at our favorite Mexican beach resort.

Honestly, we were better behaved this year than last. Nobody fell! There was no renegade poop. There was no anger-death-screams in the car. There was no vomiting and heart burn. The number of F-bombs was decreased when children were around. There was no heckling of young, skinny people. There was no shameless flirting with locals, nor yelling out the window in Mexico, "Feed your dogs!"

No, we did not do these things.

"What did you do then?" You may ask, "Did you people have any fun at all?"

Examples of why we are still a rip-roaring group, and you are all jealous of our fun (Winning!):

-Although there was no out-and-out heckling, my brother kept ogling this beautiful and tan lady on the beach. He'd say, "Look at her. She's got this hot body and can just go lay down on a towel in the middle of the beach and look great." (I did not look over at the time, but he may have been rubbing his belly while taking a drag on a cigarette after saying that.) All I said was, "Ack, she'll have skin cancer in 5 years."

-My son had a fascination for making jokes about pooping in the elevator. Every time we would take the resort elevator, we would hear a gleeful squeal. "I'm going to poo-poo in the vator!" Parker would get in the elevator, squat a little and make grunting noises. We would watch him and laugh (this is the kind of idiot stuff that my family things is top-notch comedy). He would then stand and shout, "Poo poo!" We would yell, "Yea!" It was a festive time.

-We have always found certain Mexican signs around the resort hilarious. They have a canny way of wording things. The resort officials are teasers, they are. They like to tempt you with something that sounds FUN, FUN, FUN, and then promptly say, "No." Here is an example of a sign at the Aqua Bar:

"Get on the roof of the Aqua Bar it's not allowed."

Do you see what I mean?! It starts with, "Get on the roof of the Aqua Bar," and already my little brain is thinking, "This place is right up my alley!" or, "Good idea!"

But no. If you do not have adult ADHD, and you are able to read on and finish the statement, you see the eloquently stated, "It's not allowed."

Crushed. No fun. Fun haters.

Here are more examples of this same thing at the resort:

"Dive off the bridge into the pool it's not allowed."

"Dive off the roof of the Aqua Bar it's not allowed."

It's not allowed, people. It's not allowed.

So then, imagine our delight (or humiliation, depending on your level of drunkenness), when we were at dinner and being serenaded by some charming mariachi. My son must have thought this was un-called for and kept shouting at them while they sang, "It's not allowed! It's not allowed!"

photo from here

-We discovered a favorite past-time of finding dead fish on the beach in the mornings after the tide went out. Always one with social grace, my son would laugh every time he saw one. "Look, Mommy! It's dead! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" So, being the good mommy I was, I would take pictures of them. Now he can still look at them and laugh.

-My son was gaining some confidence in swimming back and forth between the stools at the Aqua Bar. The first time he did this on his own, he shouted to everyone, "I didn't die!"

-We are now using this photo as a teaching tool for Parker. "See, look, Parker! You hold your pee-pee like that when you stand to pee! Mommy doesn't need to hold it for you!"

There were so many other adventures...I simply cannot relate them all - My new stepfather attempted to buy Mexico out of Nicorette gum, I held my niece's armpits to help her squat above an untrustworthy toilet, and speaking of new stepfather, there was a surprise wedding too!!!! I have a new stepfather! This is a blessed and happy thing. That story will be my next blog post in Part 2 of our family vacation, "The Rom Com."

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Off We Go to Mexico!

Once again, my crazy family and I are off to a beach resort in Mexico! We had so much fun last year, we have decided to do it again. After all, the thought of side-splitting laughter, embarrassingly falling into the pool, and dealing with mysterious gray clouds coming from swim diapers in a pool just keep me coming back for more.

Since it is still a totally appropriate post, I will take advantage of re-posting an old post from last year about going to Mexico. It's a busy day. Enjoy an oldie but goodie!

Mexican vacation + Two Year Old = Just Keep Drinking

Off we go to our favorite Mexican beach resort! We leave tomorrow for three nights, and there is no turning back now. Reservations are made, cars (plural) are LOADED, coolers packed, groceries bought, and I’ve already started applying sunscreen to the fair-skinned maniac. I am beyond excited with a little fear mixed in. The best chemistry for vacation anticipation. This will be my bub’s first trip to any ocean/beach.

Last year, my husband and I went alone to the Mexican beach resort while Grandma watched our bub. I completely surprised myself by being very sad while I was there, missing my bub! I looked around at all the families at the pool together, at the beach, playing in the lawn, and I wanted the same! To be surrounded by family, digging in the sand, and making memories.

So, off we go! My mom, brother, neice, hub, bub, and myself all participating in the fulfillment of one of my dreams!

Let us only hope that we can have some of this:

And, not much of this:

Prayers are appreciated!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Can we play outside while I lay on the couch inside?

So I mentioned in my last post that my husband and I are brilliant summer parents. Except for the days that we drop the maniac at daycare, it is funny to note the differences between Daddy-chosen activities and Mommy-chosen activities. When there are days in which only one of us is around for whatever reason, Parker's days can turn out quite different. All the better to round him out, no?

Activities with Daddy:

Go to the zoo


Bike to a park

Bike around the block

Bike anywhere

Work outside, water plants, mow the lawn, etc.

Play ball, catch, football, hockey, basketball, baseball, golf, or anything that involves the aforementioned OUTSIDE

Activities with Mommy:

Popcorn and movie

Shopping, particularly at Target

Arts and crafts: painting, play-doh, coloring

Wii (for getting exercise INSIDE where the AC runs)

Playing board games

Run errands

How about you? Do you find that you prefer/not-prefer certain activities with your child?

Brilliant Summer Parenting (Daycare)

My husband and I both work for schools, so we both have summer vacation off together every year.

As if you already don't hate us enough for that kind of set-up, we are true gluttons for continuing to take our child to day care in the summer.

Hold on, hold on, keep the stones in your pockets. He only goes to daycare part-time in the summer, AND I have lots of handy excuses to defend this choice and make it sound like we are brilliant parents.

Handy Excuses to Show That We Are Brilliant Parents:

1. This summer, at least one day a week while the maniac is at daycare, I will devote to writing on my novel. Finally. Someone's gotta get some work done around here.

2. Parker loves his friends at daycare and likes to see them a few days a week still. He is an only child. This is his chance to socialize and mingle.

3. We don't have to deal with separation anxiety because the daycare experience just continues.

4. It still costs less because he only goes part-time.

5. For two weeks in the summer, the daycare lady is on vacation. We also go on vacation for another week with the maniac in tow, which accounts for THREE whole weeks of complete and total 24/7 family time. After working full-time the rest of the year, this is quite the shock to the system, so BACK to daycare the maniac goes as soon as those three weeks are done.

We are in the second week right now of the three-week-no-day-care. Activities abound. Calories are burned. Thank god for nap time.

Photo from here

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sunday Selections

I am participating with Frogpondsrock today for her Sunday Selections meme. You know those photos that sit in a file somewhere and are forgotten? This is the meme that brings them out into the light! Yesterday, I was messing on my phone while at the salon, and I found pictures on my phone that my son took that I didn't even realize were there.

I will add my own little twist and share my Sunday Selection Quote of the Day. I often complain vehemently and violently about the next door neighbor dog, Sparky:

I did not realize how closely my son must have heard me complaining the other night about this vile creature. I went to get him out of bed in the morning when he woke, and his first words to me were, "Mommy, did you buy me a gun so I can shoot Sparky?" Oh, come on, don't give me any grief. Trust me, you'd want to shoot him too.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Little Sprouts

It's my last official day of work in the school year!

I came home and took a gander at what's going on in my backyard.

Little sprouts (zucchini - my garden is famous for it)

Little sprout (Parker - kinda world famous and definitely a big deal)

A real treasure, according to me (strawberries - reminds me of my grandmother's gardens)

Speaking of my grandma, say hello to Buddha (who has graciously moved from her garden to mine).

I have linked up with Wordless Wednesday at Live and Love Out Loud.