Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Rude Behavior is Innevitable (and an Award!)

Of course, while in Mexico and on our epic journey, there was rude behavior had by all. To me, rude and inappropriate behavior is nothing but FUN, FUN, FUN! I might define it a little differently than everyone else, so here are some examples by everyone that was there (in order from youngest to oldest).

Parker – Besides the expected “NO” shrieking and general two-year old wailing, Parker let loose a mysterious gray cloud out of his butt in the resort pool, jumped up and clicked the stewardess button so many times that nobody came to help (ever), and in a moment of glee threw sand in my face and open mouth.

In true Parker style, strangers called Parker by his name. People at the resort pool knew his name. When he threw a ball back to people from the side of the pool, they shouted, “Thanks, Parker!” I did not know these people. At all. These people are only used to hearing a constant chorus of, “Parker! Parker, here! Parker, no! Parker!” When providing our boarding passes at the end of our journey, the man said, “Ahh, there’s Parker again, you made it.” I looked and realized this man was outside at curbside check-in and had the opportunity to observe Parker deftly sliding out of his stroller while I was busy trying to rip the m******-f***ing car seat out of the car.

Mercedes – Ahh, the tween girl. My precious and beautiful niece with perfected eye-rolling and sporadically surly comments. She has amazing patience with Parker (except when she is trying to sleep in), and I love watching them play together. It brings pure joy to my heart. Honestly, there is nothing truly rude to report here, other than jabs she gave to her dad here and there, but believe me, my brother (the asshole) deserves a lot of it.

Kristy – I know you will be all too surprised to find out that I acted inappropriately at times. It was fabulous. There was one night in which I had indulged in many an alcoholic drink, as will happen on Mexican beach resorts vacations with swim-up aqua bars. Falling occurred. I fell into the pool, on the grassy lawn, on the sand. Whenever this happened, I would look around at the laughing people nearby and shout, “WHATEVER!”

I was having an enjoyable time talking with people at the aqua bar. I was also having a very enjoyable time using the F word. This was brought to my attention to pipe down on the F word. Well, my memory and impulse control was greatly affected at this time, and it kept happening. Whenever I noticed my faux-pas, I would shout, “F***! SORRY!” I would just generally shout to anyone in the area that had the unfortunate placement in the universe to be near me and my rude (but so f***ing fun) behavior.

*I would like to note at this time that Parker napped during aqua bar happy hour.

Scott – My brother is the King of rude behavior, and he will tell you that is true. One of my favorites from my brother went like this, “God, Kristy, I was up in the middle of the night with this horrible heart burn! I was in the bathroom, and I threw up and ORANGE, ACID FIRE came straight out of my mouth! BAAAHHH!” (Like me, my brother uses a lot of growling, expression, and gesturing when telling stories.)

My brother and I kept calling all the young, taut 20-something tan and skinny ones “f***ers” (not to their face, just mumbling it to each other of course). A group of them would walk by here and there, and Scott and I would take turns mumbling to each other, “Go back to your Laguna Beach Hills show, fuckers.”

My brother and I were walking back up to our towels from the ocean, and I thought my brother was going to fall over and die having to hike uphill in sand to get there. We got to the top, and he leaned over catching his breath, stood up and said, “Give me one of my cigarettes.”

Scott kept handing over $20 bills every once in a while to the aqua bar staff. He would say, “Just let me know when I’m in the red!” Every time he ordered, he would order six margaritas at a time. Six. (There were usually only three people in our party drinking.)

Richard – My husband truly must be the sanest one of us, bless his heart. He’s usually either scared and embarrassed or completely entertained by all of us. He has moments though too, of course. None of us in this world are immune. I particularly liked the concoctions he would make. He mixed tequila with margarita mix with Orange Crush soda with Dos Equis and God knows what else (the color was amazing). He found the largest, biggest BOWL of a cup to use and would pass around these wonderfully enticing drinks for all to share. The only thing that really kept his occasional Fucker status in place was when he left on our anniversary morning to go on an overnight biking trip with his BFF man friend (a.k.a, his other wife) in Flagstaff, Arizona (the site of our wedding, no less).

Mom – My mom is this sweet, giving, warm-hearted person. All those around her love her calm and serene energy. She is full of laughter and kindness. But, let me tell you, she can have some fun too, and when she lets loose, we ALL have a good laugh. My absolute favorite one on this trip was when we were driving through the streets of our downtown Mexican city, and Mom kept shouting through the open windows, “FEED YOUR DOGS! HA, ha, ha, ha!” I shouted, “Scott! Put the child locks on the windows and drive faster! Geez!” It was also enjoyable to see her enamored and flirty with our young, stud of a waiter, Eduardo. It was fun to hear her say his name with a deep voice, and she would say, “Ed-UAR-do, our hero.”

Well, my people, I shall end this post with a big THANK YOU to Ma, What’s For Dinner, because she gave me an award! How nice was that to come home from vacay and have an award waiting! Here it is:

Believe me, after describing the rude behavior above, the irony of this award is not lost on me.

Now, to award to some other well-deserving bloggers who brighten my day! (Rules: Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to their site, give the award to 12 other bloggers, and let them know you have given them an award. If you have already received this award, just do what you would like with it and know that you brighten my day!)
Diminishing Lucy
Finding My Weigh
Theta Mom
Mommy's Sippy Cup
Mummy Time
Mommy Pants
Motherhood Uncensored
Alabaster Cow
Buried with Children
Good Day, Regular People

Friday, June 25, 2010

Our Anniversary, June 26, 1999

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. I have prepared this post for that occasion. We have just returned from our stay in Mexico and what a dream vacay that was!!! The bub was in heaven and what an absolute JOY to be in the water, in the sand, in the pool with my family. There is lots of material for a post about this vacation on another day (including extremely inappropriate and outrageous behavior by not just the two year old). For now, a quick walk down memory lane, in pictures.

1997 - The photo that is still at my bedside. In this photo - still giddy, still new, still nervous.

1998 - Discovering each other, discovering ourselves, traveling, exploring, every day new.

1999 - Taking the plunge and never looking back.

2000 - Experiencing family and traditions together, creating a life together.

2001 - Just having fun, Mexico style!

2002 - His fifteen year reunion (What?! Fifteen years?! Oh, yeah, and better than ever!)

2003 - Discovering new loves together in our travels. Wine.

2004 - A year of transitions and moving ahead, moving toward a new horizon. Obviously, wherever we go we know how to make an entrance.

2005 - Getting comfy in Colorado. Cheers to accepting adventure into our lives.

2006 - A vacation we both remember as one of the best! Biking tours and drinking wine. What could be better?!

2007 - I am pregnant in Mexico in this picture and I DON'T EVEN KNOW IT. Let the real adventure begin!

2008 - Our first Christmas in our own family home. Love surrounds us.

2009 - Remember - we wanted to hang a banner at the first birthday party that said, "WE DID IT! WE MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST YEAR!"

2010 - Thirteen years together. Eleven years married. A lifetime to go.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Mexican Vacation + Two Year Old and Family = Just Keep Drinking!

Off we go to our favorite Mexican beach resort! We leave tomorrow for three nights, and there is no turning back now. Reservations are made, cars (plural) are LOADED, coolers packed, groceries bought, and I’ve already started applying sunscreen to the fair-skinned maniac. I am beyond excited with a little fear mixed in. The best chemistry for vacation anticipation. This will be my bub’s first trip to any ocean/beach.

Last year, my husband and I went alone to the Mexican beach resort while Grandma watched our bub. I completely surprised myself by being very sad while I was there, missing my bub! I looked around at all the families at the pool together, at the beach, playing in the lawn, and I wanted the same! To be surrounded by family, digging in the sand, and making memories.

So, off we go! My mom, brother, neice, hub, bub, and myself all participating in the fulfillment of one of my dreams!

Let us only hope that we can have some of this:

And, not much of this:

Prayers are appreciated!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Carpe Diem!

Right now I am so glad to be home. I have been on a work trip that was jam packed and exhausting. My son is sitting on top of our coffee table picking at a candle, turning lights on and off, and looking at me like, “Come play with me, Mom!” I have lots to do today to get ready for our epic journey that begins early tomorrow morning. I feel like I’ve got to get on here and post, so here it is, a post. Now I am going to go and grab my boy and give him loud sounding fart kisses on his stomach, play with him, and start getting ready for our what-the-hell-are-we-thinking-family-vacation. I will keep you updated on the adventures ahead and check in as much as I can. Here’s to the present moment, people, let’s go enjoy it!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Happy Family Portraits, or Are We Done Yet? (Almost Wordless Wednesday)

About once a year, we make sure we get our butts in for some family pictures, and you just never know what you’re going to get. My son is not one to “Put your hands here, like that, and put your leg here, now stay like that, and SMILE!” Nope. Those kinds of shenanigans do not work at all on him. Before you can say, “Smile!” my boy is off grabbing the camera, running in circles (literally), running into the prop room, and generally terrorizing the small studio. It was the first time I saw the camera lady get frustrated and impatient.

At one point, we were just dragging over prop after prop to see if anything would catch his attention long enough for the lady to snap some damn pictures. We pulled over a couple of steps. Parker climbed on top, stuck his arms out, and started shouting.

The camera lady said, “What is he doing?”

I smiled (utterly entertained by my own child, of course) and said, “Wait for it.”

And there he yelled, “To in-i-ty and YON!” (translation: “To infinity and BEYOND!”)

He jumped off the steps and was off, making swooshing noises with arms outstretched and running around the studio. Just like Buzz. I was laughing, my husband shook his head and rolled his eyes, and the camera lady? Yeah, not so much.

The camera lady said, “Well, he definitely has personality.”

That he does. But we already knew that. Check out some of the gems we finally managed to capture!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Daddy Anxiety

I try to be respectful and loving toward my dear, good husband in my blog (please ignore the Labor Story post in which he was referred to as The Fucker). Let’s give props where props are due. My husband is a fabulous Husband and Father. He gets up early with Parker in the morning so I can sleep, he loves taking Parker places, he is confident about taking care of him if I have to leave out of town, he has always been a completely contributing partner in parenthood, he helps me clean the house, he does the dishes because I cook, he washes my car, cuts the grass, and does all “boy” identified tasks around here too. You see how I go on and on? He is a good, dear husband.

So, bless his heart, but there are a few things that I think are just hilarious and surprising. Hunny, I apologize before-hand here, but come on, you’ve been giving me some pretty good material lately and I’ve gotta use it.

My husband tends to have anxiety around things being “wrong” with Parker. This has caused some harrowing events and entertaining stories. Here is the evidence:

1. Most recently, I came home from a trip to Maine. Richard sheepishly tells me, “I took Parker to the doctor this week because I thought something was ‘wrong’ with his foot.” I asked, “What was ‘wrong?’” He explained that perhaps Parker had stepped on something, but he was favoring his foot and walking funny. My husband got concerned and took him in. Medical diagnosis: bruise.

2. I hardly ever go to a happy hour, and this is something my husband enjoys doing a couple of times a month. So, in April, I went on a special happy hour with a work friend. Our drinks and appetizer had just arrived. My husband called my cell. As soon as I answered, I could hear Parker in the background screaming and crying. Richard frantically said, “I don’t know what is ‘wrong’ with Parker! He just started crying and freaking out, and I don’t know why! I think something is ‘WRONG!’” I was at a loss for words. What did he want me to do? I said, “Do you want me to come home?” as I looked longingly at my glass of wine in front of me, waiting. Richard said, “Well, what should I do?! Do you think I should take him somewhere?!”

Exasperated, I said, “Give him some candy and put on a movie.”

There was silence on the other end. (By the way, at this point, my friend was just staring at me with her mouth open.) Richard tersly said, “Well, if you’re not going to take this seriously, then I will let you go.” I quickly said, “I’m serious, hunny! If this behavior continues after you offer something fabulous, then you know something is wrong. Just try something! If it doesn’t change in 5 or 10 minutes, call me back!”

I received a text about 2 minutes later. It said, “He is fine. He is watching a movie.” Mommy diagnosis: 2 year-old fit for unknown reason.

3. One night, the whole family was upstairs getting ready for bed. My husband and son were in the bathroom getting toothbrushes out and some spontaneous rough-housing began. I was in the other room and did not get to see exactly what happened, so I could only rely on my husband’s description. Suddenly, there was crying and shouting. “What happened?!” I shouted. My husband came in the room, holding a crying Parker. He said, “I don’t know! I was flipping him around, and I think something might be ‘wrong’ with his arm!” I asked, “What exactly were you doing? Did you have him by the arm?” Richard said, “No, I had him by the hips and flipped him over my shoulder and he just started crying!” I was thinking that maybe Parker got a little scared, maybe slightly hurt, and my son has a tendency to freak out big. I started taking a look at his arm, all the while Parker was crying and holding his arm and yelling, “Urt!”

Richard started in. “I think we need to take him somewhere!” I was thinking, “Let’s give him some ibuprofen, see if he can settle down a little, and then decide if he needs to go ‘somewhere.’” But, it was already late, already past bedtime, and if he was going to go “somewhere,” then we needed to get going. I said, “Ok, fine, let’s go.”

Parker fell asleep in the car on the way to the emergency room. Upon waking, when we arrived at the downtown emergency room, Parker was dazzled by the big buildings and lights. He began happily shouting, “Ook! Ook!” And he was POINTING and GESTURING wildly at all the bright lights WITH the “urt” arm. He was fine. Just for good measure, I wiggled his arm around. There was nothing “wrong.” We put Parker back in his car seat and headed home. Richard said, “Parker, a few more years were just shaved off my life.” Mommy diagnosis: A fine acting session for a “urt” arm.

I will not go on at length with the other examples, but just know that Parker’s history of phantom medical problems have taken us to a neurologist for suspected seizure, frantic conversations with Ask-a-Nurse to determine Parker had night terrors, and a keepsake X-ray picture of Parker’s baby foot (and can I please mention that there are hardly any bones in a baby foot that could be broken).

I thought I was the one with anxiety problems, so my husband’s behavior has totally surprised me. I have to guard against getting riled up along with him because that can happen. As soon as I hear, “Something is WRONG,” instead of calculating the time in an urgent care and what needs to be put in the diaper bag, my eyes instantly slit in a suspicious manner. Bless my husband’s heart. He cares so much about our bub and God forbid anything is ever WRONG with our bub!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I Actually Get Invited Places!

Lamb Around has had the good grace and bravery to actually invite me over for a guest post tomorrow on Friday, June 11! So, my goodness, if you haven’t done so already, make your way over there and check her out (and her “Sexy Nerd”)! And enjoy an oldie-but-goody post of mine, “I’m Too Sexy for my Black Lycra Gown!” Perfect for summer. Leave me some comment love here or there (or everywhere!) to tell me what you think!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Living the Dream!

For about eight weeks every year, I get to live my dream!

You see, I am a full-time working mommy, which royally kicks my ass most of the year. However, I work in education at a school, so every summer I get a taste of stay-at-home-mom-ness AND I still take my child to daycare two days a week. Ah, it is the best.

I get to experience both, and here, according to me, are the “bests” of both worlds.

Working mommy:
-Tired of the assholes at your house? Go to work!
-Adult conversation
-Hair-do, make-up, and “outfit” every day
-Day care experiences for my child in order to encourage sharing with others and a generally resilient and scrappy outlook on life
-Using the phone without a toddler around
-Using the bathroom without a toddler around

Stay-at-home-mommy (with two days of day care, yesssssss):
-No working mommy guilt
-Activities! Mommy and Me gym classes! More time to fit in fun stuff.
-Go to the zoo anytime you want!
-Take the child to the grocery store on a weekday morning and be more likely to get the cart with the car/steering wheel attached.
-Nap time
-Bonding time and what I call “saturation” (I think I need to explain that. Sometimes, when I have had A LOT of Parker time, I say that I feel saturated by him. I think fellow mothers understand that, or I’m crazy, but that is no big surprise.)

Are you a working mommy or a stay-at-home mommy? What are the “bests” in your world?

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Brand Spankin' New!

Look-y, look-y! My make-over is here! Feel free to gush and go on and on about the general fabulous-ness of it all. Of course, I did not do this myself. Courtney from One Fine Blog Design can take the credit for that (and she can take the credit for dealing with some of my picky-ness and flair for creating new words to describe what I want)!

What I want you to really pay attention to is the picture in the header. No, not the one of the crazy wine-drinking, part insane, and three-sheets-to-the-wind lady. Look at the other picture. That’s my boy! Do you see that devilish gleam in his eye? Full of mischevious possibilities, yes? Now you see why he is usually termed “my little maniac.” Now you understand why I say, “Grandma L. would say he is ‘full of the dickens!’” That child was put on this earth to teach me about adventure and danger, I tell ya.

I am just so excited about my new look and will be working hard to get things just-so and organized around here. In the meantime, please, tell me what you think!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Adventure, Danger, and Intrigue Await

“Then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to blossom.” –Anais Nin

Adventure is not my middle name, people. However, I am on the cusp of many adventures. The word alone sends shivers down my spine. I’ll never forget walking down our neighborhood street with my husband when I was 9 months pregnant. Our neighbor shouted, “Looks like you’re getting close to having the baby! Get ready for the adventure of your lives!” At the time, I truly had no idea what he was talking about. I thought that the word ‘adventure’ was a positive, fun way to describe what we were in for. Well, needless to say that once the adventure of motherhood began, we’ve been on a roller coaster ever since!

So, I tend to tread lightly around adventure and look at it with suspicious eyes. This is why, when my friend e-mailed me to ask if I would like to attend a Zumba class, I promptly replied, “Stop it. You’re stressing me out.”

Now we are preparing for a mighty trip, and I am truly amazed that I have not yet begun a stress-induced coma or manic OCD planning. Well, to be honest, I do have seven pages of lists made so far, but that, to me, is not OCD. That’s just smart.

In a couple of weeks, we will drive about 10 hours to Flagstaff, Arizona. We will then stay in a hotel room and share a king-sized bed with our two-year old maniac. Then, we will push on to Phoenix where we will prepare for a trip to Mexico with my mom, brother, and niece. Off to Mexico we go for a stay at a beach resort! Then, we return to Phoenix for a couple of nights. My husband will drive home alone. The two-year old maniac and I will fly (in a plane, yes) from Phoenix to Denver (I REFUSE to drive the 12+ trip with the two-year old maniac EVER AGAIN). Hubby will pick us up in Denver. We will drive for about one and a half hours until we are HOME.

Are we crazy? Yes. Are we stupid? Absolutely. Will we have fun? We better, or…Or, I don’t know what. We just better have some real f***ing fun is all I’m saying.

And, by the way. I plan on doing Zumba too. It is time to blossom.