Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Who Do You Think You Are?



I am linking up with Write on Edge for the Red Writing Hood prompt this week. The focus is on conflict, inspired by this quote:

"It is better to be violent, if there is violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence."
Mahatma Gandhi (1869 – 1948)

I am bravely sharing an excerpt from my novel. You can read more about Kate and Marisa here, here, and here.

......................

Kate locked eyes with one of the men on the couch. Sure enough, he motioned for her to come over. Coke was lined up on the table. She kneeled at the coffee table, took a straw, and snorted a line. She sat back to drink, to wash the drug down her throat. She lit a cigarette because it was a drug’s best companion. Now she just wanted to get the hell out of there.

She did not know these men. She did not need to know these men. She hated them. They were friends of her boss. Her boss, who was in the other room with Marisa. Her boss was a disgusting man. He was short and fat with thinning dark hair. He was mean. The only time she ever heard him was when he was yelling at the girls. “Get on the floor, you lazy bitches! Let’s go!” Otherwise, he stood in the corners and watched. Sometimes he spoke with other men.

Kate and Marisa did their motherfucking jobs and hoped to have no interaction with the man.

Which was why Kate could not understand, even through the haze of her thoughts, why Marisa went to a bedroom with him. Probably, fear took Marisa to the bedroom with him, and fear kept Kate right where she was.

She dared not ask any questions and instead watched the smoke swirl through the fluorescent lights of the kitchen. The music was loud, drowning out the conversation of the men around her. She never seemed privy to the conversation of men around her.

Kate started to hear sounds coming from the hallway. Her body instantly perked up, on alert.

“Get the fuck out of here! You fucking slut!”

Kate licked her finger, reached over and dipped into the coke on the table, sucked it off and rubbed her gums in a split second. She jumped up, ready to go. Before she could see anything, she heard scuffling in the hallway, then a thud. Kate rushed over and saw Marisa face down on the carpet, but she was quickly getting herself up.

Without saying a word, Marisa looked up at Kate with a face that said, Let’s get the fuck out of here. Her lip was bleeding.

Down the hall, Kate could only see the shadow of him. “You’re fucking fired! I never want to see your skinny ass again!”

Without ever saying a word, they both walked out of the house. On their way through the kitchen, Marisa grabbed the half empty bottle of whiskey.

Kate never asked what happened in that bedroom. From the look on Marisa’s face, the topic was off-limits. She only drove them away as swiftly as she could, away from a situation that could have been a whole hell of a lot worse.

(I deeply apologize for going over the word limit for the prompt this week.)

16 comments:

Susie said...

Wow! Really intense!

Carrie said...

Well, you've established Kate and Marisa are into some bad things. I'm curious to see where they go from here.

Glen said...

yoinks! And quite possibly Jinkies too.

not exactly a Chick-Lit then :)

Great stuff

Andrea (ace1028) said...

Nice. I need to read it again. I was kind of nervous.

I have to say that the setting is what really drew me in. Please take that as no offense to the characters, but the setting was so strong. I could practically see and smell the smoke. And sense the tension. I could feel music, see lights, and just feel like I was in that room. A well written environment is amazing. Well done!

My Inner Chick said...

I was there-in that room.
I saw the lines of coke.
Smelled the dampness & sweat.
Heard the voices.

Great job. :)

Barbara @ de rebus, via Write on Edge said...

Oooo... VERY nice. An extremely compelling read!!

I especially enjoy this line: "Probably, fear took Marisa to the bedroom with him, and fear kept Kate right where she was."

Using "fear" as your subject is masterful! I also enjoy the limited third person narration...

Great read! Thanks!

Lance said...

Please take this as a compliment....this was so unlike you.

I loved it.

This is dark, gritty stuff I write. I like how you gave the girls humanity. well done..more, much more please

Jen said...

Damn, girl!

I am so mad that you posted this but only because it was so good, it sucked me right in and now I want to read the whole thing.

So so so good!

Lindy Phippen Smith said...

You push the edge.I love that. Also the intensity of writing pulled me in. Nice work here.

Kara @ Nest Candy said...

I tagged you in an 11 Random Things post. I hope you'll check it out. It's kind of fun! http://www.nestcandy.com/2012/02/11-random-things-tag.html

TMW Hickman said...

Very good job of setting up the scene for Kate and Marisa. I liked how you drew a vivid picture with your words.

TV's Take said...

Wow. What a dynamic between these two women. Can't wait to read more.... Good job!

HumorSmith said...

Nicely done! I bow to your bravery my dear!

Katie Gates said...

Very intriguing. Keep those excerpts coming!

jazzygal said...

Sure how could you have removed any of the words in your cleverly worded piece? ;-)

I really enjoyed it.

xx Jazzy

Babes Mami said...

I love when you share!