Tuesday, July 27, 2010


"If I am lonely
It must be the loneliness...
Of being the one awake
In a house wrapped in sleep."
-From Adrienne Rich's poem, "Song"

The night is still, so still around me. It does not press down around me, it only exists for me and breathes with me. I sit in our very suburban backyard and look into the windows of my own home. Because I am in the dark, and the house is lit from within, I can see clearly the couch and blanket, lampshade, stairwell, plants, and kitchen sink. I can see the little somethings set on shelves, collected over the span of chapters in a life.

I stare at the dining room table for a while. The chairs are askew and empty. The chairs are so empty, compared to the living and eating and talking and aruging and lauging that goes on there every single day.

My backyard holds bright plastic toys bought from garage sales. The moon sets alight the patterns of water stains on the surrounding wood fence. The leaves do not rustle. They are silent, at rest.

I know we will move from this home one day. We look forward to it. But, right now, in this moment, this home is perfect. This home has been cared for, and in return has cared for us. What I see inside those windows is a sum of our past years. And they have, mostly, been good.

I am, in this moment, completely alone with my thoughts. I am only...me. Sitting outside of my home, looking in at the life I lead.

"No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anyone but oneself."
-Virginia Woolf

Like this post? You may also enjoy:
Do You Have a Moment to Spare?


Ratz said...

WOW!!! I loved this post Kristy... just beautiful esp. the middle paras.... the one with moonlight... just beautiful

Anonymous said...

really captured how you were feeling looking in. great post. thanks for sharing that moment!

Lucy said...

Oooh, goosebumps. Thank you. xx

Oddyoddyo13 said...

You're lucky you can do that-if I did, I would be caught and then proceed to be carried off by the nice men in white coats....you, on the other hand, describe it so beautifully.

Loved this. :)

tinahead81 said...

wow, beautiful post.

Aging Mommy said...

Love this post Kirsty. My husband and I were discussing the other day how our home really does feel like a home now and I think when you have children it emphasizes that feeling, all the memories of them being in this home, growing and changing daily. You describe it all so beautifully.

kathryn said...


Sounds like you really STOPPED...and reveled in that moment. It's what I call a "mental snapshot".

Loved it.

litanyofbritt said...

I loved that. So poetic! There's a well deserved award for you on my blog today. Have a nice rest of the day!

Tammi @ My Organized Chaos said...

Love it!!


Cheryl said...

I love this! Very beautiful. We also hope to move someday, and yet two of my kids were born in this house, so I can't imagine NOT living here, you know?

Jen said...

Beautiful post. I was sitting right there with you looking in :). You have such a way with words :)

The Insatiable Host said...

Hey, this is a great post. I am glad that I was stalking ocmments earlier on the SITS site. I am jealous that your house is wrapped with calm and serenity. My house is full of chaos even when my 3 kids are sleeping so you're already my hero. Love the post again!



Mama Hen said...

This was well written! Very nice post!I will check out the other writings. Thank you for your comment today! I just need to get healthy and maybe fit into some of my smaller clothes!

Mama Hen

Mommyfriend Lori said...

Ooo, I felt that post. I love it when that happens, awesome.

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

I LOVE this post!

chele said...

You just described what I did last night. I sat on the swing and just listened to the sound of the night. The crickets, the wind blowing through the trees ... it was a perfect evening for reflection.

Thanks for sharing this.

Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud said...

What an unbelievably beautiful piece! Kristy, I am in awe of this post. I'm dying to stand outside my home one night when all is peaceful and look in at the little life we've lived here.
Again, this is AWESOME! Have a great day.

Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud