Thursday, August 19, 2010

Murphy's Law, An Illustration


What is it about having a child that really drives home the Murphy’s Law experience?

You know what I’m talking about.

JUST as your child is finally drifting off to sleep for a nap, the neighbor dog’s shrill bark cuts through the air right to your nervous system. (I’m still accepting offers for anyone experienced in assassination for that dog, by the way.)

JUST when you finally have the motivation to exercise and lose that baby weight, you start to get sick.

You use all your sick days because you are home with a sick child, and then you get sick when your days at work are all used up.

The only thing your child will eat for lunch is macaroni and cheese (or else you must endure THE FIT), and guess what you just ran out of?

These are just a few examples.

Let me tell you a story about last night.

It has been busy times around here. The last few nights, my husband has been getting home late for various reasons, so it has felt especially busy. After dinner last night, my husband took the maniac outside to run around.

I felt no guilt as I decided to take an opportunity to watch a little TV off my neglected Tivo list. I had been wanting to see the last 45 freakin’ minutes of Bachelor Pad for three days. It was finally my chance! I was a few minutes into it when…

(You know what’s coming, right?)

Screaming, hell, and tarnation. In an instant.

My hub is banging at the backdoor, yelling at me to open it with a hysterical Parker in his arms.

Panic mode: ON.

The poor bub was ATTACKED by a Yellow Jacket! Wasp Fucker.

He had done nothing to provoke it either! He was doing his thing, mowing the lawn with his bubble mower – a job he finds great satisfaction in. We were unaware that a wasp hive had taken residence in our garden. My husband thinks the bubbles must have pissed off the idiot-rage-filled wasps.

Of course, Parker was in a lot of pain, but there was no dangerous, life-threatening reaction occurring, so we gave him ibuprofen and tried to soothe him as best as possible.

Richard looked up information on the Internet and found that Yellow Jackets become particularly aggressive and can attack with no provocation in the late summer. I know, what the?! Well, anyways, there goes the whole “stand still and they’ll leave you alone” theory. I always knew that was bullshit. If I see a wasp or a bee, I scream and run and jump, and I have never been stung dammit. It is, apparently, an effective way to handle these things and not “silly” like my husband previously tried to convince me.

The moral of this story is: fuck wasps.

Maybe tonight I can watch five more minutes of Bachelor Pad?? Or, maybe that is hoping for too much.

26 comments:

blueviolet said...

They are so ornery!!!! I saw a bunch of them are nesting in a hole in my bricks and I can hear them from inside my garage now. They must have a HUGE community built in there. I'm terrified!

rosequeen said...

an arrow doesn't make much noise - quick and quiet orrrrrr a few times with the BB Gun on the back flank and then all you have to do is shake it so the dog hears the bb's rattle and he will run for cover!!! just let me know - you know I'm just down the hall

Lori @ RRSAHM said...

Youchies!! Poos little guy. F88king wasps. Glad he's not allergic..

Mrs Woog said...

I once had a wasp fly down the front of my shirt while I was driving on the freeway. Bad Scene.

Marylin said...

Wasps are evil, I'm telling you.
Glad the lil man is ok. Typical timing though, as always. *sigh*

WarsawMommy said...

Oh, poor little guy.

Wasps are horrid. Every summer, a bunch of them would built a hive in the corner above the outside back door; every summer my Dad would force toxic smoke in to their massive hive(the first year he called some magic telephone number and pros in protective gear and masks came and did it, and showed him how). Every summer, I looked at the post-smoking hive and all the intricate tunnels and dead wasps and just HATED them.

Look in to the smoking 'em dead option. It's the safest, easiest and most effective, I think.

Lucy said...

Ick. I once knelt on a yellow jacket and it stung my knee. Hurt like a bastard. Your poor little bloke. Hugs to him (and you.)

MommyLovesStilettos said...

Poor kiddo! Wasps HURT. BAD. I think so at least. I've been stung many times and it's a weird pain.

Jeannie, Jane, Angel, Mommy, etc.. said...

Poor little one! I am waiting for Monkey to get attacked. She is just too interested in things like that and actually chases them!

Susie said...

I agree!! Those buggers are aggressive and must always die!

Veronica said...

Wasps are straight from hell, I swear. Angry aggressive little f*ckers.

The Fat Lady said...

Yep, definite subscriber to the 'kill it before it looks sideways at me' mentality here, and have enever been affected by insect air rage!

Found you from FYBF :)

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Ick. Wasps. You don't even have the comfort of them dying after one sting like bees.

Eva Gallant said...

Ouch! Poor baby. And poor Mommy. Hope you get to watch the rest of Bachelor Pad before the next episode. I watch it too. I just stopped by from Best Post of the Week.

Nomie said...

Nasty little fuckers. Earlier this year (late Summer here in Aus) I calmly (read stupidly) and bravely (ha!) told my kinder class to just be calm and still and not fuss while I trapped the wasp in a towel and released (read killed that bastard) it outside.
It stung me through the towel! Hurt like a bastard, and all I could say way oh dear that hurt a bit!

Hate is a strong word, but very apt in this case.

Mommy Spirit said...

I just gave you the "Foxy Mama" award because I think you're a wonderful mama and an inspirational blogger. Have a great weekend!

http://mommyspirit.blogspot.com/2010/08/foxy-mama-award.html

Meri said...

I got stung by one of those terrorists once and I was totally just minding my own business. I didn't even know it was around, so I wasn't send out fear hormones, either. But I suspect it was just a ruse to save you from succumbing to Bachelor Pad.

Kristy said...

Excellent. Everyone agress that wasps are fuckers.

Rosequeen, is that you, Lori? I think the arrows are a fabulous idea! We were in Dick Sports tonight, and we walked past the bows and arrows and I looked longingly at them and dreamed away. About killing that awful dog.

According to the doc, we still don't know whether he is allergic. I guess it takes 2 exposures before you know...

The Empress said...

Hence the expression, "mad as a hornet."

yeah, late summer? Avoid those nasty dudes AT ALL COSTS.

Sunday said...

I have heard the same thing about the wasps being more aggressive at the end of the summer. Its as if their little inner clock is saying, "Tick, tock you're gonna DIE soon" and so they sting anything that comes close to them.

Sorry your little guy got the rough end of it. Poor little guy.

I've never been stung and neither have my boys but I know its just a matter of time before it happens to one or all of us.

heather@actingbalanced.com said...

stopping by from sits - hope your little guy is feeling better and you get your few minutes of tivo today!

parentingBYdummies said...

Funniest line I think I've read all week: Wasp fucker. Not sure I even need to read the rest of this post. But I will...Okay, hope the kiddo is ok. Agree with your moral 100%

The Drama Mama said...

Your moral of the story is made me laugh out loud. I feel so bad for your little guy. GC was working and got attacked by 4 yellow jackets! He was a sore dude when he got home. I found it very interesting that you commented on them getting more aggressive toward late summer. Maybe explains why he got stung. Ouchie!

Paul and Kerry said...

I am so with you on the screaming and running away from those nasty beasts. Especially since my husband likes to try and 'get them" which only makes it worse and thus I run away from all of that nonsense. It works, I agree. I have been stung once but I actually stepped on it so I guess I had it coming.

Graceful said...

Oh man, my little guy got stung several times by a black wasp a couple of summers ago. The thing burrowed under his shirt, stung him more than once (didn't even know that was possible), and my guy was running around the backyard screaming his head off. Had no idea what the problem was until finally it occured to me to whip his shirt off (the fact that he was clawing at it should have been a red flag). Horrible. But I have to say, I laughed a little bit at your story. But only cause I can totally relate.

Christina said...

I agree, I hate all buzzing, stinging insects. The sound drives me nuts, and I can't stand seeing them near my kids. And as for T.V., what's that again? Oh, I think I remember that from B.C. times (Before children, that is.)LOL.
I came by from SITS, and I think I've got to follow you, I'm having fun reading!