Friday, August 6, 2010

Trying to be Small

This post is for the Red Dress Club prompt: Write a narrative poem from the point of view of someone, anyone, in a family.

Trying to be Small

I came home
After years away.
Broken and tired
I forgot my shame.

I crawled into your lap.
(I was awkward and long)
I folded myself up and in,
Trying to be small.

I tried to bury my mistakes
As people do
When life is new,
And you only fear your truth.

I needed something.
I needed you
To tell me…anything,
But I pulled away too soon.

Because two broken people
Cannot fix one another.
They cannot heal
The wounds of the other.

How much is a daughter
Allowed to question her father?
How much is a daughter
Asked to believe of her father?

Is it forbidden to ask
How much?
How much did you care?
How much did you want me to move off your lap?

How much does a father
Want to know his daughter?
How much does a father
Believe in his daughter?

How much was left behind
For a chase that haunted you?
How much was negotiated between
Somewhere and home?

What is in between us now?


Ratz said...

Wow... Kristy.... this is beautiful work.. I must say... I loved the way the intensity grew as the poem was closing its end.... Loved it in short!

Jen said...

This was amazing. I just loved it. Beautiful.

Shell said...

Very beautiful!

sara said...

Beautiful and haunting.

Adelle said...

Wow. wow wow wow.

(I got nothing else. Wow.)

Lucy said...

Amazing! I had to read it twice.

Anonymous said...

That was intense! Very artistic, Kristy!

Aging Mommy said...

Oh yes, I liked this too and had to read it twice. The simplicity of the words and style you have used made the feelings shine through so very well.

Anonymous said...

deep and powerful! loved it Kristy!

kathryn said...

Oh...this was so sad. A child trying to understand a distant father. It happens all too often...this was beautiful, Kristy.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Ha, "What is in between us now?"


This was amazing Kristy-you really captured it. I loved the whole concept, "trying to be small". :)

Jessica Anne said...

Wow! Really well done. Really a powerful piece.

angela said...

Beautiful & powerful
Great job!

The Drama Mama said...

Poignant and heart wrenching, powerful. I'm in awe.

WhisperingWriter said...

Oh wow. Fabulous job.

Kristy said...

My heart is touched by your comments. Thank you. I was nervous about this one. I still feel like the last half of it could use a little editing. I felt as if the flow got awkward for a moment. The compliments mean a lot. As long as I know I have touched others' hearts, that feels good to me. :)

MrsNilsenLife said...

I think if we ask ourselves the tough questions, the honest writing comes from it. This was so evocative of those times when you want more from someone you love - you want answers and maybe there aren't answers to get.

Nice work! (here from TRDC and Red Writing Hood!)

Helen Hanson said...

Your poem is like a good Pinot. Earthy. Complex. Powerful. A little dark.

But sweet enough that you sip until the end.

Debbie said...

This is incredible! You are a very talented writer.
I came over from SITS to say hi.

Mommyfriend Lori said...

Wowie, blown away. I read it twice! Brava Mama, well done.

colbymarshall said...

Aw, that's really pretty! I love it!

MultipleMum said...

Left me wanting to know the whole story. I hope the young woman just asks the questions. Life is too short to be left wondering :) Great work!

Ash said...

That difficult relationship of father/daughter - you captured it so very well. Almost too difficult to read.

That's a compliment, I promise!

bettyl said...

Great poem that I can relate to. Here's to our daughters having a better relationship with Dad. *clink*

Try Stonerr said...