Thursday, August 18, 2011

When Did This Guilt Creep In?


The past three years, I have not had much Working Mother Guilt. Can I get a "Hallelujar!" for private bathroom time and adult conversation?! I even wrote about it here.

But...something's changed.

I'm feeling it. The Working Mother Guilt.

My boy is a little older now. He talks. He asks questions.

Every single night, he asks, "Mommy, do I have to go to daycare tomorrow?" Or, "Mommy, do you have to work tomorrow?"

Five nights a week, I have to say, "Yes."

And then, I see the sad face.

It just doesn't feel right that only two nights a week, I get to happily exclaim, "No! We're staying home!" And then see that gorgeous smile and hear a happy, "Yay!"

I'll be ok. We'll be ok. Parker gets to start preschool in a couple weeks, and that will be good for him. Something different than daycare. So, yes, he'll be fine.

I just wish I had a few more days a week...

17 comments:

Galit Breen said...

Hang in there Mama! I used to feel the exact same way. There's always something that we have to say no to, isn't there?

Deb said...

I wouldn't want to give up work even if I didn't have $88k of law school debt remaining, but I'd absolutely be thrilled to be able to make it on 3-4 days a week. I love my adult time, but I wish the proportions didn't have to be so horribly askew.

Stephanie M said...

I would love to have a few extra days and I'm home with mine. You are the best at what you do and he will love preschool! Pretty soon he will be so happy to run to go to school.

Eva Gallant said...

The kids of working mothers grow up much more independent and self-sufficient than those of stay at home moms. That's what a stay at home mom told me after her kids got to be high school age.

Happiness Is... said...

I just found your blog and had to say hang in there. I am a working mom, too, and it's hard either way. But remember that you are doing a great thing for your son and family and that he will be just fine - they have to learn to leave the nest and flourish!

Natalie said...

I know America needs like a 4 day work week...or heck 3 days!

KAra B. said...

Agreed! I am going thru the same thing going back to work now. There is excitement as we drive up to the "SCHOOL", but the whole way walking inside I hear, "Don't go to work Mommy". Then at the end of my day I honestly rush to daycare to see his smiling face light up and hear him say, "MOmmy, yer Back!! You get out of work to come get me!!!" Makes everyday worth living. TRUTH! :)

jess said...

Awww. I have been feeling a lot of guilt about leaving my little one too. I keep telling myself that it's all for the best, but it doesn't put me at ease much. This, however, at least made me laugh, and I hope it does the same for you: Thoughtful, timeless advice from ‘Working Mother’ magazine.

cam said...

I am so there... My little man cries every morning when he leaves me for that past few days. I am soooo there...

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Lord, I get that and I only have a dog! I'd probably totally crave if I had a kid!

Jessica said...

This is so hard. I remember this guilt from when I working. Now I have guilt when I'm at home because I have work to do and can't play with the kids even though I'm at home.

citymouse said...

I've done different things at different times in my life but lately I've been consumed with trying to figure out how to get home. (Which may seem like an odd time considering the 3 kids still at home are turning 18, 16 and 16.) I think there's no rhyme or reason to what the heart wants.

Clipped Wings said...

You do what you can, and that just has to be good enough. I can tell you're a wonderful mom. You both will be okay, it's just hard to not have what you crave. Hang in there.

posiepatchwork said...

Oh Mother Guilt, waste of time, you're doing what you want to/ have to/ need to for your family, no guilt required. Sure i'm at home now, have been full time for the last decade/ 3 children, but when i had my first i worked full time, it was fanastic, set us up financially so i could be home with the next round of children (which happened to be twins, then 4 under 5).
My husband is a soldier, do you think he prefers war over our 4 children, of course not, but he's doing what he does to support our family (& my LOVE for being a housewife, the children are all in school aged 7.5 to 12 now). It's how we roll, guilt free!!
I've got a psych degree too & i use it more on myself & family that i ever would on clients, it's all about bigger picture & for us that is early retirement & being available to our children who are fast becoming teenagers. Love Posie

Theresa said...

Ugh. I have those days coming. I guess we just have to make the most of the days we do have.
xoxo

Maytal said...

Aww. This is just a phase. I hope it goes away quickly and before you know it, you're both ok.

Jamie said...

This is so hard. I just stopped working recently but remember those guilty creatures vividly. My best suggestion, read Just Let Me Lie Down by Kristin von Ogtrop. It will make you laugh and feel GREAT about what you do each day.