Friday, January 29, 2010
My daycare provider asked me questions yesterday about the medicines that Parker was on when he was an infant. She is wondering if her own baby has reflux and/or other GI issues. Upon hearing this, I said, “Oh, I am so sorry! That is so hard. BUT, it gets better with time and the right medicine!” I am glad that I can offer a lot of tips and suggestions around medical intervention and soothing techniques because, man oh man, I have been through it. I see the tiredness and a hopeless look on her face. I see the spit up all over her shirt. I hear the baby waking up and crying and her look of, “here we go again.” Up to this point, our daycare provider has seemed like one of those Supermoms! to me. This is her third baby. She takes care of other people’s babies and toddlers. She always looks calm. She is always pleasant. Shortly after having her second baby she did highly impressive things like cart her children to the gym so she could attend a pilates class. Her house always looks spotless. My husband and I joke that she has a “look” that she gives us when she thinks we are kind of crazy, worried parents. We might drop Parker off and say, “How many times did he poop yesterday? What did it look like? We are trying a laxative and hope it is going ok.” She would calmly say that everything was normal and then give us that look. So, I was surprised to see a very different kind of look on her face yesterday. I told her that it was a difficult time with Parker when he was an infant and that I’m not planning on having another child. She said, with a deep growl in her voice, “Yes. If I had had this one first, I would never have had another child.”
Now, I don’t want this to come out wrong, but that made me feel better to hear that. It was validating. It felt like my husband and I weren’t crazy for feeling AT OUR WIT’S END. Later that night, I was writing out the names and phone numbers of doctors and suggestions for reflux, allergy, and constipation. I asked my husband, “What are other things that helped during that time with Parker’s reflux and ‘issues?’” My husband thought about this for a moment. He replied, “A supportive partner. Working together. Patience.” I smiled at that because it is so true. We were and are a team. A united front. We got through that time knowing deep down that we had each other. There was a whole lot of yelling going on-Parker would cry so constant and so loud that we would have to shout everything in order to hear each other, and sometimes it felt really freakin’ good to yell and shout everything. In spite of all the yelling and frustration, we knew we were not alone and somehow we would make it through. Well, we made it through that time, and I’m sure there will be many other times that are very trying.
(Spoiler alert - much sappiness ahead!) Now we are starting to rediscover each other again as husband and wife and not just tired parents of a crying infant. It feels good and I can’t wait for more – more fun with my husband, more fun as a family, more closeness and appreciation. I love you, Richard. You are my gorgeous god of a man and husband. “I will shout it from the top of someplace very high, my excitement!” (Luigi, Cars) or all over the Internet – I love you! I love you forever and ever – always have, always will.
p.s. surprise, hunny!