Thursday, April 22, 2010
Yesterday, I had a day all to myself. Talk about restorative. I was totally blissed out. I had been feeling run down and was feeling a cold coming on. If I didn’t get rest, I was feeling like I would succumb to a full-blown cold or a full-blown anxiety attack. I also knew my husband was leaving on a trip, and I would be a single, working mother for a few days (By the way, how do single mothers do it, anyway?! God bless them.)
Well, yesterday, I got to be just me. I wasn’t a mother, I wasn’t a wife, I wasn’t a coworker. I was me.
When I have the rare opportunity for me time, I like to do. . . NOTHING. My husband likes to run a 5K, take a hike or grueling bike ride, and then socialize with a bunch of people. Uck. I want no one around me, I want no pressure to do anything, no physical strain or activity, and no questions. I choose to do very introvert-type things in order to feel the energy come back to my soul. I read, I write, I lay, I think, I watch movies, I eat – alone.
So, I took a day off work and had my husband take our son to daycare. I pushed all work and mothering guilt to the back of my mind and let the relief wash over me. And what is it with this guilt, anyway?! I haven’t been able to get rid of it since I became a Mom.
First, I slept in. An absolute must. Got a good 12 hours of sleep. When I woke, I got some coffee, grabbed the laptop, and promptly got back in bed. I turned on the TV, and I didn’t really care what was on, as long as all I heard were adult voices. You see, I work at an elementary school, so even when I am at work, most of what I heard are those precious little voices. My coffee was on my bedside table, my cat was purring next to me, and the laptop warmed my legs as I read blogs. Get this – God had even ordered up a cloudy, misty day for me just to add to that wonderful, cozy, all-alone-and-doing-whatever-I-want feeling.
Ah. Bliss. Heavenly bliss.
I got out of bed in order to eat lunch. I settled on the couch and watched a movie on Showtime. I was still in the horizontal position, only in a different room. You know, so I could say I didn’t spend all day in “bed.” I wanted to watch something with an intelligent plot, a little suspense, and cussing. Something I would never watch if Parker was around. I settled on The Gift (with Cate Blanchett, Keanu Reeves, and a naked Katie Holmes, oh my), and then Nurse Jackie. I love watching Nurse Jackie pop pills, cheat on her husband, and act surly at work – it is scandalous! Makes me feel so much better as a person.
When the clock neared 4:00, I felt a little frantic and thought, “I have about half an hour left! What should I do? What would be the perfect way to spend that time? Would I feel good about myself if I worked out? Should I clean something? Should I just lay here until time is up?” I decided to just take a hot, leisurely shower.
When my boys (the husband and the son) walked in, I greeted them with hugs and smiles and sat on the floor to play cars with Parker. I didn’t have to fake excitement or muster up the energy to play cars. I happily played for a little bit before it was time to make dinner. I felt so much better and no longer run down. Some totally blissed out me time was all it took. I found myself again for a time that day and was able to better connect with my family.
What do you do to restore yourself? What do you consider blissful “me” time? If you had a day to yourself, what would you do with it?