Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I am so tired I am having a hard time hitting the keys on the laptop. I am tired and hungry. I have hardly any energy to move. I have finally decided to get serious about this losing weight thing. I am laying in bed avoiding the kitchen. I want to eat the house and take a nap. That is all I want to do. I am remembering the scene from Ferris Bueller when Cameron is laying sick in his bed, staring at the ceiling, and singing somberly, “When Cameron was in Egypt land. . . Let my Cameron gooooo.”
I am being dramatic.
I am not trying to lose weight because I am visualizing health and a well-balanced me. My decision to lose weight is fear-based and suddenly upon me because I have too little time left before I go to Phoenix and Mexico in June. The amount of clothes I need to wear in order to feel comfortable is just too damn hot for either of those places. And I’m sick of wearing my fat pants and feel them continue to get tight around the middle.
Even as I’m laying here I feel like my butt and thighs are tired and sore even though I have done no working out. I have thought about it. And my body is sore already.
I have thought that maybe I could go get some carrot slices and dip them in light ranch. Instead, I have an empty wine glass sitting next to me. I will lay here until it is time to make dinner, and I will eat my two meatballs and half a vat of spaghetti noodles and light red sauce (yes, HALF OF IT, BECAUSE I AM ALLOWED THE POINTS OF HALF OF THE NOODLES AND SAUCE BUT ONLY TWO MEATBALLS). I will beat this extra weight fucker. Bwha, ha, ha! I feel manic, angry energy coming on. Don’t worry. I have allowed myself the “points” for an extra glass of wine for my sanity.
Obviously, I am using humor to get me through this. Obviously, I am not crazy and you are not scared of me. I am going to go now. I will not eat the house. Breathe and visualize. Visualize and breathe.