Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Take That, Scale F***er!


I am so tired I am having a hard time hitting the keys on the laptop. I am tired and hungry. I have hardly any energy to move. I have finally decided to get serious about this losing weight thing. I am laying in bed avoiding the kitchen. I want to eat the house and take a nap. That is all I want to do. I am remembering the scene from Ferris Bueller when Cameron is laying sick in his bed, staring at the ceiling, and singing somberly, “When Cameron was in Egypt land. . . Let my Cameron gooooo.”

I am being dramatic.

I am not trying to lose weight because I am visualizing health and a well-balanced me. My decision to lose weight is fear-based and suddenly upon me because I have too little time left before I go to Phoenix and Mexico in June. The amount of clothes I need to wear in order to feel comfortable is just too damn hot for either of those places. And I’m sick of wearing my fat pants and feel them continue to get tight around the middle.

Even as I’m laying here I feel like my butt and thighs are tired and sore even though I have done no working out. I have thought about it. And my body is sore already.

I have thought that maybe I could go get some carrot slices and dip them in light ranch. Instead, I have an empty wine glass sitting next to me. I will lay here until it is time to make dinner, and I will eat my two meatballs and half a vat of spaghetti noodles and light red sauce (yes, HALF OF IT, BECAUSE I AM ALLOWED THE POINTS OF HALF OF THE NOODLES AND SAUCE BUT ONLY TWO MEATBALLS). I will beat this extra weight fucker. Bwha, ha, ha! I feel manic, angry energy coming on. Don’t worry. I have allowed myself the “points” for an extra glass of wine for my sanity.

Obviously, I am using humor to get me through this. Obviously, I am not crazy and you are not scared of me. I am going to go now. I will not eat the house. Breathe and visualize. Visualize and breathe.

21 comments:

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Don't worry Kristy-you'll beat it so bad, it won't ever come back! Hehe, I hope that made sense.

Lucy said...

I hear ya.

Pink Haired Momma said...

Laugh if you must but i too stared the whole exercise crap this morning. I am doing belly dancing. My motivation? I want to get fat and preggo again. Seems bizarre to loose the rolls just to gain the giant bump!

Babes Mami said...

I have been 'on the path' but not following it well and today was my official remotivation to do good in all areas so go us!

MommyLovesStilettos said...

YOu can do it. It's so hard. I just started about 6 weeks ago and I have my moments where I'd rather eat chocolate and drink a bottle of wine by myself. But I'm seeing progress and that's been enough to motivate me. Hang in there!

Lacie @ Creative Attempts said...

the weight battle totally sucks and my jeans just keep getting tighter and how is that fair cause i actually work out

LambAround said...

Good for you! Based on your blog photos though, I'm surprised you need to lose any weight. You look just fine to me!
One of the girls at work is trying to lose weight and get in shape. She's been getting up at 5am every day to work out for 2 hours. I'm pretty certain that she's insane.

That would be super if you'd like to do a guest blogger post! Just write about whatever you'd like, with some info on who you are and your blog, and email it to me at lambaround@gmail.com. An archived post would be fine. I'll post it with a link to your site, which will hopefully bring some new readers your way.

Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud said...

I'd totally just go and eat the house! lol I'm right there with you girl. I've got a few pounds to lose and need to lose them soon.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. Enjoy that glass of wine and have a great day.

Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud
@TweetingMama

Carrie said...

Good luck! I started back into a regular work-out regime in February and while I don't notice any major weight loss I do FEEL better...so that is something I guess :)

Visiting from SITS

D-Listed said...

I just found your blog and this is the first post I read, I died laughing. I totally know where you are coming from with the points! I used to do that too. I am kind of of the opinion that my diet started tomorrow, if you know what I mean.

alexis said...

found you at theta mom. i so feel you on this. i have been trying to lose "baby weight" since my son was born 11 months ago. pretty soon it's gonna be "toddler weight." i totally just lie in bed trying to stop myself from running into the kitchen and eating the first thing that i see (usually honey bunches of oats). i frickin hate dieting. but it's got to be done, or else i will be shamu forever. good luck and enjoy your half-vat and two balls o' meat.

Theta Mom said...

Girl - this has been me trying to get rid of this extra "baby" weight. Problem is, my baby is now two. *sigh*

WhisperingWriter said...

Light ranch tastes like butt to me.

WarsawMommy said...

I am living with the same fear: my Mom and brother are coming to Poland in July, and we are all going to the Baltic seaside. For one week.

ONE WEEK on the beach. In my bathing suit. With gorgeous Polish women frolicking in bikinis.

Yep. Full-scale panic mode. That's me. Argh!

I feel the fear. And it tastes like celery. Bleuch.

jan ~ tomatobaby said...

Oh sis-ta ... less clothes - less you = happy vacation in Phoenix/Mexico in June! My theory is based on being born & raised Phoenician ... been gone for 14-yrs ... but back. I SWEAR it's hotter here now in the summer than it was when I was growing up!

You'll have a fabulous time on your ventures ... wine served in both places (just in case!) ;oD

Happy SITS Saturday ~j.

Jen said...

Lol great post! I can really relate. I didn't bake last week and the kids are guarding their Easter eggs from us hoarding parents do I went to bed dejected many times last week after trying to raid the cupboard or fridge and finding nothing yummy! Good luck with the weight loss :)

Stesha said...

Every Monday I'm on a lose weight rampage...and by Wednesday it's over. It's so hard. I wish we could just "think" the weight away.

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

kathryn said...

Okay. So, did everyone survive? No-one in your family has gone missing, right??

I have to say, there is one good thing to come out of having bad seasonal allergies: Sudafed. With it's side-effect of a serious loss of appetite and slight dry mouth (which makes me drink water), it's the upside to allergies. Not that I'm recommending it for losing weight. I'm just saying...

kbxmas said...

I feel your pain. You want me to send you my veganesque diet with the nasty-@ss protein shakes? A meatball sounds divine. I would trade my firstborn for a bowl of cereal right now.

Cybil said...

I fight this battle every day. Funny thing is, I fought is 20 years and 20 pounds ago too! I can calculate points in my sleep!

Lucy said...

Thank you for adding it to the blog hop sweet girl....I'll be doing it again on Thursday....I'd love it if you played again.....xx