Thursday, October 27, 2011

I Use my Power for Good

For Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop!

22 Things I Have Done – Testament to my Strength

1. Survived 25 hours of labor and pushed a baby out my hoo-ha.

2. Cooked 3 separate meals a night for over two months when I was on Jenny Craig, and I still made dinners for my husband and my picky-picky boy.

3. Wrote and defended a 60 page research paper for my master’s in 2002.

4. Wrote and defended a 113 page thesis for my specialist’s degree in 2004.

5. Survived colic.

6. Commuted in Phoenix traffic during the summer in a car with a broken AC, a broken window that couldn’t roll down, and an over-heating issue that made me turn the heater on full blast to cool the engine.

7. Rode 70 miles in one day on my bike on RAGBRAI in Iowa.

8. Went to a Chuck-E-Cheese birthday party with a hangover.

9. Worked behind the counter filling orders at a McDonald’s one night as part of a fundraiser.

10. Went on a “death hike” with my husband in which the following happened: we got lost, we hiked countless miles, I had a panic attack, I started to become delirious, my hands went numb, my toes started bleeding, I had a black toe for one year.

11. Watched Disney Cars 7, 985, 432, 022 times.

12. Taught second grade (According to me, much harder than teaching special education or being a school psychologist).

13. Driven a U-Haul truck through LA traffic at 5:00 pm and then through the night to Arizona without cruise control.

14. Figured out how to use a sewing machine so my son could have a Disney Cars valance above his window.

15. Held my boy while he puked and cleaned up diarrhea without gagging.

16. Won 2 dance contests (Nothing technical here, just club dancing. Oh yeah.)

17. Climbed a fence to get my son in a park.

18. Kept a cat a secret for a year while living in a dorm.

19. Put stucco on houses and installed insulation on a Native American reservation in New Mexico for volunteer work one summer.

20. Drove from Flagstaff, Arizona to Tijuana, Mexico lying down in the back of a pick-up truck.

21. Stayed up all night to help my dad throw Sunday papers on his paper route.

22. Found time to write this blog post even though I’m a full-time working mother who freelance writes on the side and likes to make food from scratch (of which I bought by cutting coupons).

I. Am. Freaking. Awesome. Or, as Samuel L. Jackson says, “A bad mother fucker.”

Google Images

And now the lyrics to a kick ass song by Flobots – Handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

Look at me, look at me
Hands in the air like it’s good to be
Alive and I'm a famous rapper
Even when the paths are all crookedy
I can show you how to do-see doe
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to De Colores
And I'm proud to be an American
Me and my friends saw a platypus
Me and my friends made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want 'Cause


I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome
I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone

Look at me, look at me
Just called to say that it’s good to be
Alive in such a small world
I'm all curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine
64 miles to the gallon on gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computer survive aquatic
Conditions I know how to run the business
And I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance 'Cause

I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
And I can split the atoms of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule

Look at me Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure

I can handout a million vaccinations
Or let ‘em all die from exasperations
Have 'em all healed from their lacerations
Or have em all killed by assassinations
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like 'em
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command because

I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
And I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope

And I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars


Tracy said...

I bow down to your strength. You might give Jules a run for his money.

Him and Her said...

#18 ME TOO.
Except, it was a dog. But still, a DOG!

{holding wine glass up} cheers, fellow rule breaker.

Jen said...

You are awesome!

And how did you not melt driving in a car like that in Phoenix with heat on?

Eva Gallant said...

You are definitely a force to contend with!

OneMommy said...

I wonder if I can keep a cat hidden for a year from my husband.... (did I mention he is allergic?)
Chuck E Cheese with a hangover could NOT have been fun.

Healthy Mom Project said...

You are awesome! That's an impressive list. :)

Carla said...

I hate that stupid cars movie and I haven't watched it nearly as many times as you so well done!!! Good work on the secret cat….that's impressive :-) Great list!

Suniverse said...

You ARE a bad motherfucker.

Good for you. I'm impressed with your powers of good!

Jamie said...

Love so many of these but my favorites have to be 16 and 22!

Natalie @ MamaTrack said...

Love that Flobots song. And all the things you have done. I don't envy you the hungover Chuck E. Cheese birthday party--ow. Just ow.

Shelly - Tropical Mum said...

You are indeed awesome. I bow down to you.

Babes Mami said...

You are such a badass!

jess said...

That was a kickass post even before the kickass song lyrics. Major bonus though. You are indeed awesome.

Jessica said...

You are extremely awesome and this list on further proves that.

Anonymous said...

That's an awesome list of achievements, you rock! :)

Heidi said...

yep, you're one STRONG muthah! ;)

I survived colic, worked in a 2nd grade classroom and went delirious on a seemingly endless hike (though no black toe!!!???)

I can't believe you kept a cat secret for a whole year in a dorm - that's awesome!

I grew up in central Iowa - you may have biked through my hometown!! :)


Pearl said...

HA! Kristy, I just bought that song for my iPod! Rock on!!

As for the heat in the car? BTDT, as we say. Minneapolis in August is no treat, and three years ago I had a car that I had to keep the heat on so it wouldn't overheat. And the windows? WOULDN'T ROLL DOWN!

Damn-near kilt me. :-)


Cam | Bibs and Baubles said...

you are beyond awesome! you get all kinds of extra points for the death hike!

Anonymous said...

American Badass. For sure.

SuzRocks said...

Wow! Impressive. I have yet to meet many other women who drive their own uhaul trucks. I think I scare off half the traffic when they see me coming through in one of those.

championm2000 said...

The fact that you included the lyrics to "Handlebars" doubles your awesomeness.

My Inner Chick said...

--You are freaing SUPER WOMAN :))

loved your list... X

Anonymous said...

You were a hero to me by #12, but #15 clinched it.

Chasing Joy said...

OMG you are definately a bad mother F*ck&r. I am most blown away by you cooking muultiple dinners.

Stopping by from Write on Edge

Galit Breen said...

Hee! You *are* strong, for sure!

The Drama Mama said...

You are most definitely one bad mofo!!

jazzygal said...

I'm exhausted just reading your list! Totally 'awesome' :-)

xx Jazzy

amy@ Souldipper said...

You are definitely eligible to join our IRIS GAL club:

Intelligent, Resourceful, Independent, Strong,
Gorgeous, Awesome, and Lethal.

There's one rule: You have to give yourself a full day of nurturing at least once every three months. Every month if possible!

The Pepperrific Life said...

So, how many capes do you have? You are without a doubt a superwoman! I haven't nearly done a fraction of what you have! Number 1 in itself is a herculean feat (I had a C-section, so I didn't go into labor)... You are freaking awesome!

Mama Hen said...

This is great! I can't imagine cooking all those meals and still cooking for hubby and baby as well. I hope you are doing great! Have a wonderful day!

Mama Hen

MangoChutney said...

That black toe is scary I beat! is it pink agian? Interesting list;)

Wife on the Roller Coaster said...

Oh my gosh, you are clearly a rock star! What an awesome list. I'm glad I didn't choose this prompt for Mama Kat's workshop because my list wouldn't be half as cool as yours! :) Thanks for visiting last week.