Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Our Christmas Story, Part 1 (“You’ll shoot your eye out!” and other bad decisions are highly probable.)



We got home from our Christmas Eve dinner at a nearby restaurant and called the elves at Norad to ask where Santa was in the world.

I handed my phone over to my boy, and he said, “But my Uncle Scott and Mercedes only bring me a pile of poop for Christmas!”

I burst out laughing. I have no idea what Santa’s elf had to say about that, but apparently Parker was a little affected by my brother heckling him about bringing him poop for Christmas.

Soon thereafter, my mom realized that she forgot the contents for my tween niece’s stocking at her house in Phoenix. My niece overheard a conversation about this, and I found her crying on a couch in the basement.

This was not ok.

Everyone has a full stocking in my house on Christmas morning!

My attempts to cheer her worked, and I had her smiling and laughing in moments. But, I’m honestly not THAT great of an aunt because she finally looked at me and said, “Kristy, the more you keep talking, the more you keep cussing.”

Damn it. Well, I’m a passionate person.

We went upstairs together and found an empty house! My brother had my husband drive him to a Walgreens to get stocking loot. My son was in bed. My mom and her husband had also gone to bed (There had been an earlier incident in which my rude brother and I heckled my mom’s poor husband, Carlos, about his driving. Carlos went to bed early.)

I involved Mercedes, my niece, in my attempts to console Carlos and apologize. I fished out an old package from my husband’s drawer, a previous gag gift.

Squirrel underpants.

I wrote on it with marker, “We LOVE you!” I put it outside his door and hoped for the best. Or, as I told Mercedes, “Wake up. Get over it. Squirrel underpants.”

Little did I know that the next two days would crescendo into complete madness, which included rapping (not by me!), much air guitar, scandalous mimosas, AND yoga.

I have a feeling that Part 2 of this little Christmas ditty is going to be a good one. Stay tuned.


Looks like these types would fit in with us.

20 comments:

jazzygal said...

Wow, sounds very interesting...they should do a TV series on your family antics!! And that's an actual photo of your family... I know it is..go on admit it!!

xx Jazzy

Christa aka The BabbyMama said...

Ahahaha, when my family had its reunion in Germany, that's the picture we used on the Facebook event page!

Date Girl said...

Lol squirrel underpants! That's amazing. Your family sounds like so much fun!

Jen said...

Ok, I totally want to come to one of your family shindigs.

Cam | Bibs and Baubles said...

where on earth does on find squirrel underpants!!!?!?!?

Emily said...

Ha! Ha! It sounds like a memorable Christmas!

My Inner Chick said...

squirrels crack me up.
Your family is awesome :)XX

MommaKiss said...

Scandalous mimosas DURING yoga? Because that's what I'm hoping for. Whilst wearing squirrel undies.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

You guys are NOT normal,and I am SO glad!

Eva Gallant said...

Squirrel undies sound like they may have nuts in them!

Jenners said...

Squirrel underpants, eh? Sounds like a winner!

The Blonde Duck said...

Have a great New Years!

Deb said...

Tee-hee! This was a sweet read, and I'm looking forward to the follow-up, even if it takes me a week to get back to Blogger and see it. :)

Natalie said...

Oh my! Now that is an interesting Christmas!

Mama Hen said...

You are so fuunny! You are also a great writer my friend! I hope you are having a great holiday week! I am sure it is filled with a lot of fun and laughter!

Mama Hen

Marcy said...

Sounds like a great, chaotic blast!

Middle State/MomZombie said...

Wow. My ex-husband's family was full of mischief and wild antics. While I marveled at their theatrics, it was so foreign to me. My family? The craziest thing we ever did one Christmas was have a group hug. I'm pretty sure they were all "air hugs" at that.

Sandra said...

And I thought my household was mad! We played penis pictionary, not to be confused with swearing scrabble.
Can't wait for the "to be continued" of this post!

Mom of 12 said...

Glad you had a nice Christmas! Happy New Year!
Sandy

Annette said...

Too funny. I want squirrel underpants too. Oh, and Lewie would love to get "poop" for Christmas since apparently that's been his new favorite word for say...3 months now! Can't wait to read more about your Christmas adventure!