If Attitudes Were Contagious, Mine Could Kill You

Ok, people. Watch out. I am feeling surly. I apologize ahead of time. There is a lot on my mind, and I cannot pull a positive, witty anecdote out of my ass. Instead, I’d like to try something called, “I’d rather put a cigarette out in my eye than. . .” Get the idea? Ok, here goes.

I’D RATHER PUT A CIGARETTE OUT IN MY EYE THAN:

-Listen to whining – from my child, any child, all adults, and basically any living thing in the vicinity

-Beat a dead horse. And then listen to people beat a dead horse. And then wonder why people beat dead horses. And then read a memo about people beating dead horses.

-Listen to words that do not match that person’s actions.

-Participate in any activity that sucks the life force energy out of me and takes away from my livelihood and time away from my family.

-Observe grown adults obtaining great pleasure in spreading hurtful gossip.

-Eat a low fat string cheese for 1 fucking point rather than scarfing an entire box of Cheddar Jack Cheezits.

Ok, I am done. Some of that may not make sense, but I had to get it out, and boy do I already feel better.

I am sitting here on my couch in my comfy home. My boy and my cat are sitting near. The little maniac’s eyes are glazed over, eating a snack, and watching some awful Buzz Lightyear cartoon. We are content in our quiet side-by-side. All is well. I am going to go and cuddle him if he’ll allow it and enjoy what matters most in life.

Have a good evening.