Wanna Play?

Something wonderful has happened around here!

For the first time, my boy was asked by a neighbor kid to play outside.

We are entering into an era where The Child can play outside, and I can keep an eye on things here and there while I'm inside.

My son is an only so it sure is nice that he has some other kids to play with, and they're not in my house fighting like brothers and sisters do.

He was so excited by playing with kids outside, he emphatically nodded his head saying, "Yes, Mommy," as I told him, "No going in the street!"

As the kids ran around the front yard, I could see Parker run by in a flash with his hand out in front "spraying" spider webs and shouting, "Here comes Spider Man!"

It's amazing how he's getting older and bigger at lightning speed. His fourth birthday is next week, and it is the first age where being a "big kid" is very important to him.

Obviously, we have not yet hit the phase where being "cool" is extremely important. Thank God.

Phantom Poo Poo and other Misadventures

I'm here! I know I haven't posted in a week - what a week it has been!

We have had many adventures in our Thanksgiving travels, including:

"Mommy, it is time to look at the weird blue man."



This is from a look and find book. This page is "Genie in a Bottle" obviously. Parker was entranced. And weirded out. And he couldn't stop looking at it. This killed some time during our long drives.

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My son actually channeled Robert DeNiro on our trip out! The famous, pained expression of ol' DeNiro is exactly what my son looked like in the back seat as he threw a royal fit about...I don't even remember what it was about, but he looked pretty funny. Like this guy:

Google images

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We also had a fabulous time watching our child play, play, play with other people's kids. Parker even bravely tried to sleep in one of these said child's room one night, but the other boy had to come get me. He said, "Parker says there's a ghost light in the room." Alas, no break from sleeping with Parker during vacation for me, and into bed with me he went.

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Speaking of ghosts, we were lucky enough to be plagued by a Phantom Poo Poo on our long drive home. About every 30 minutes, Parker said his stomach hurt and that he had to poo poo. Wanting to avoid an accident, we fell for this ploy about 3 different times and stopped so he could go to the bathroom. No poo poo. Every time. But, hey, we got to have lots of fun running around another convenience store.

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While sitting at The Kid Table one night for dinner, I could hear the kids sharing their ages.

"I'm eight!"

"I'm six!" etc.

"How old are you, Parker?"

"I'm 21."

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My boy is keen on doing ear splitting screeches at random. They don't last long, and I never know when it's going to happen, so I can't really prevent it, and it's one of those things I just ignore and let go of. It's one of those things that mothers learn to tune out a bit. Until the child is around other people. Then it seems very apparent. It is a sort of high pitched WoooooOOOOOp! Like an angry peacock. Or a howler monkey.

I looked over at one of the 25 people at our Thanksgiving get together and said, "He just likes to make sure everyone's awake," and I offered an apologetic smile.

He said deadpan, "Well, we are."

It reminded me of an Elizabethtown clip - the one where the hyper little boy is always screaming and periodically wakes the old man. This guy:

Google images

Which then inspires Orlando Bloom's character to play this TOTALLY AWESOME video for the hyper, loud boy.

Rusty's Learning to Listen
(You must watch this.)

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Some other pics from our trip:

Parker's first time on the ice! (Being held up by his daddy and aunts)

Watching the zamboni

Our Thanksgiving Menu Includes Cat Food

Thank you for the kind response to my last post. I feel a renewed desire to keep working on my book!

I am also the proud recipient of an Editor's Choice award for Pocket Change at Become.com!

Award for Best Mom Blog

And, now, I cannot help but be reminded of last year when I wrote about my son eating money around Thanksgiving time, "Forget Turkey and Stuffing. I'll have Pennies and Dimes."

Last night, Parker ate cat food.

Parker threw up last night, and we thought he was getting sick. We fawned over him, set him up on the couch, and geared up for more vomit. Because, you know that when a child is sick and throws up, it doesn't just happen once. I thought it interesting he didn't have a fever.

Turns out, he gave cat food a try, and his body promptly rejected it.

He is fine. He is not sick. It's time to get ready for our Thanksgiving trip and leave the cats with a big honkin' pile of cat food - and no one to compete with for food.

Google images

Trick or Treat His Way

Well, of course we've got some Halloween festivity pics to link up at Wordless Wednesday! Thanks, Kristi at Live and Love Out Loud for the link!

Here's our pumpkins!

I vant to suck your blood.

Parker and me, awwww

Dragon Parker

And now, my FIRST EVER video clip, so you must watch. I'm so glad I happened to catch this moment on video. Parker had never done this before, and we were embarrassed that he did it! He actually had the gall to.....



OMG, the video loaded sideways and I have no idea what to do about that. Sorry. Enjoy anyway. Tilt your head. Whatever.

How was your Halloween? Any fun trick or treating adventures?

Sunday Funnies or Don't Touch Poo Poo in Your Butt

Linking up with Actually Mummy for Wot So Funee?



My son and I were driving home from work/daycare.

"Mommy," he started.

"Yes?"

(Now, first, I must explain something. Parker uses the phrase "last year" to explain anything that has happened before, whether it was 5 minutes ago or last night.)

"Last year, I had fog in my throat!"

"A frog?" I asked.

"No, FOG. From Daddy's fart!"

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Parker had been taking too long in the bathroom.

"Parker, what are you doing?!" I shouted to check on him.

"I'm touching my poo poo!"

(Of course, I dreaded the mess that could await me on the other side of that bathroom door. I opened the door, looked in, saw no mess, and my boy was standing there with his finger in his butt. Whew. Much easier to deal with. He washed those hands good to a chorus of, "We don't touch poo poo! We don't touch poo poo in our butt. Yucky!" These are the words of wisdom you can get around here.)

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"Mommy, do you like to hear my voice in the world?" Parker asked one day while we were in the backyard.

I thought, What a cute kind of question.

I said, "Yes, of course, I love-"

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Oh, okay, I got ya. OK, THAT'S ENOUGH SCREAMING!"

Wasn't so cute anymore.

Google Images

As long as it's not poo poo.

Scary Parent Teacher Conferences

Google Images

"Why they call you Mommy Renzen?" my son asked.

"They're calling me Mrs. Lorenzen because that's my last name," I said.

"Oh."

I had already had the guilty thought, I wonder if my boy wonders why I spend most of my days with all these other kids?

Even though I am a school psychologist, for now I explain that I am a teacher so that it can make more sense to him.

"All these kids have to call me Mrs. Lorenzen because I'm a teacher. But only one boy gets to call me Mommy," I say as I grab him and kiss his cheek.

We are playing on the playground where I work. It is sunset on the first day of parent teacher conferences. I had to bring my son to work that night because my husband was also working at parent teacher conferences and all of our babysitters are teachers as well.

I was worried about how it would go having my boy at my school for so long, but he had a blast. Other kids kicked a soccer ball with him, he was quiet playing in the corner of my meetings, and we played games together in my office that I usually play with students.

Ahhh, parent teacher conferences.

A stressful time for all.

I am so grateful to have the perspective of being a parent so that I can relate easier with those scary parent creatures.

Yet, parents usually think we (educators) are the scary creatures (some really are, but I won't name names and lose my job).

I will go to my first parent teacher conference next week on the other side of the table. The parent side.

And I know that what we, as parents, want to know is that someone really LIKES our child.

That someone is skilled and capable to teach them what they need to learn.

That even if discipline is needed, it is done with care.

We want every teacher to understand that, no matter our situation as parents, we send in the best of ourselves through those doors each day.

But enough of the sappy stuff. You wanna hear some eye-brow raisers from during parent teacher conferences?

-How about my own child yelling, "ROOOOAARRR!" right after requesting permission for a special education evaluation from a parent (Yeah, I know I said earlier he sat quietly during my meetings, but I lied. Don't all us parents lie? I guess "quiet" to me means that nothing ended in a big, giant, snotty fit.)

-Whatever you do, please wear a bra. With your too-big tank top. That's all I'll say.

-If a friendly school psychologist attends your meeting, don't assume it's for a bad reason. Especially if it's me. I'm very nice and fabulous. Nothing to worry about.

-When someone farts in a parent teacher conference, it is never a comfortable experience. And, no, it wasn't me. Maybe it was passive aggressive behavior by someone else, but it was not me.

I honestly have other examples but cannot figure out a way to tell about them without fear of consequence. I have to be careful what I publish about work-related things.

Tell me - When you go to parent teacher conferences as a parent, what do you want from the teacher?

Suburban Friendship

Through the slats of the fence in our backyard, we could hear, “Hey, psst! Hey, buddy!”

Another little boy was trying to communicate with my son. It was cute. This other boy lives on the opposite side of us, not next door, so my son can’t just pop on over and see him. They have talked with each other before. I have no idea what this boy looks like or what his family is like, so it’s hard to know how to continue with a possible friendship.

It was getting close for dinner time, so I called my son in to the table.

Then we could hear again in a loud whisper, “Hey! Buddy! Come back to this spot when you’re done with dinner, K?”

“OK!” My son shouted and ran inside.

Then, my husband and I couldn’t help but have fun with it.

“Psst, hey, buddy! What do they feed you over there?”

“Hey, psst. Do they ever let you out over there?”

“Psst, hey, buddy! How much time you got left?”

This must be the budding of a suburban friendship through the slats of a backyard fence.

Google images

Funny Kids

I'm bringing you some small delights today, inspired by Sunday Snippets at Pure Unadulterated Softthistle. She doesn't usually do the link for it anymore, but I like to give her a shout-out for it anyhow!

Google Images

Out of the blue, my boy provided me some philosophical advice, showing him to be wise beyond his years...

"Mommy, sometimes things don't work out."

"That's right, Parker, sometimes they don't," I said as I wondered where this had come from.

He continued, "Yep. Sometimes there's cat puke, and sometimes there's cat POOP!"

"Yes," I laughed, "Sometimes there is cat puke and cat poop."

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We were in the backyard, and Parker came running over to me at the garden.

"Mommy!" He shouted, "Steven's* mommy is outside in her UNDERWEAR!"

I laughed and said quietly, "No, honey, she is in a bathing suit," hoping she hadn't heard.

I had seen her through the slats of our fence, putting up a trampoline in a bikini. My son has never seen me in a bikini. I prefer the maximum coverage type of bathing suit these days.

I had to resist telling Parker, "Why don't you go tell her to put some clothes on?"

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I am a school psychologist. I have been working with an eight year old boy who has difficulty taking responsibility for himself without throwing fits, crying, and whining. He tends to have instant, huge reactions to small problems. He also is quick to be aggressive with other kids as a way of solving simple play problems.

There he stood at the doorway of my office, speaking in the sometimes cute manner of mispronouncing his "r" sounds.

"Hi, Mrs. Lorenzen," he gave me a toothy smile and waved his hand a little.

"Hi, Billy*," I said.

"Kevin* cut in front of me in line today, and I wanted to give him a bloody nose, but I didn't. I told the teacher," he said and then smiled.

Oh boy, we still have some work to do, I thought. I said, "Well, thank you, Billy. That's a start."

*All names of people outside of my family have been changed.

Have any funny kids around making you smile?

I'm Tired. Parker Blogs.

I'm linking this up for Mama Kat's Writer Workshop prompt:

Capture what it’s like to spend a day or a moment talking with your kiddo.

I am so freaking tired. If you work in a school, at this time of year, you are freaking tired. No joke.

So, my boy and I are laying here on the couch while he has a snack.

I leave this blog post in the hands of my three year old. Because I am lazy. And Parker may as well contribute to things around here.



Me: Parker, what should I write about?

Parker: Uhhh, Hawthorne. (our new cat)

(Hawthorne is exhausted too.)

Me: What about Hawthorne? What does he like to do?

Parker: Kill birds. And play with a mouse.

Me: Do you think Hawthorne and Dobby (our old cat) will become friends?

Parker: Yeah.

Me: If they were friends what would they do?

Parker: Both of them play with a mouse.

Me: What does Hawthorne do while we're gone during the day?

Parker: (Long pause, long stare) I don't know!

Me: What do you think he does?

Parker: He plays with a mouse while we're gone.

Me: What do you like about Hawthorne?

Parker: That he plays with a mouse!

Me: Does the mouse ever die?

Parker: No.

Me: Does Hawthorne want him to die?

Parker: (Silence, ignoring, finished with the conversation, and only watching Wonder Pets.)

Well, now that everyone has been thoroughly entertained by riveting preschooler conversation, my work here is done. I will continue to lay here if I can.

When you are tired, at the end of a long day, how do you like to unwind? Pray tell, are your preschooler conversations as riveting as ours?

Sometimes Even Your Hair Hurts (Sunday Snippets)

Time for some quick funnies from things my little maniac has said in the last week!

(Sunday Snippets was created by Marylin at Pure Unadulterated Softthistle, but she doesn't do the link very often anymore. I still give her shout-outs for it when I do my own "Sunday Snippet" post.)

We were in the grocery store. A few aisles away, a baby was screaming and crying. Parker said, "Mommy, someone is DYING!" I thought to myself, "Yes, probably a mother."

Parker was having a cranky time. Our time was intermittently broken by pitiful wails like, "My eye hurts!" "My leg hurts!" and then, the longest, most dramatic wail of all, "Myyyyy hairrrrr hurtsss!"

Parker is delighted to finally have a cat around here that lets him pet it. He was petting Hawthorne, our new cat, and then excitedly ran up to me. "Mommy! I touched his nipple!" (Please. I do not know what he touched. I do not know how he knows the word "nipple." All I could say was, "Don't touch it again.")

Funnies

I had intended on posting yesterday some fun quotes by my boy in celebration of Sunday Snippets.

(Sunday Snippets was created by Marylin at Pure Unadulterated Softthistle, but she doesn't do the link very often anymore, but I still give her shout-outs for it when I do my own "Sunday Snippet" post.)

Anyways, it is no longer Sunday, but how bout some funny quotes by my boy for....Moot Point Monday?



Said in a very serious, almost aggressive, voice, "I gotta play in the dirt, Mommy."

Upon feeling my bare legs, "You have your spikes back!"

While driving in the car, "Pass those guys, Mommy! We're in a race, and we gotta win!"

Upon seeing a man driving a motorcycle with no helmet on, "That guy gonna break his head open, and then we can look at his brain!"

Hope everyone had a good weekend. Ours was fun-filled! I'll post pictures for Wordless Wednesday...

At Least Toddlers are Entertaining

Parker was playing on an old cell phone, pretending to talk to someone. I asked him, "Who're you talking to?"

Parker replied, "A dude."

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Yesterday, I got out of the shower and saw Parker sitting quietly waiting for me to come out.

He was completely naked.

I laughed and said, "What are you doing?!"

Parker shouted, "Getting ready for the beach!"

(Mind you, there was snow on the ground outside.)

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Lately, whenever I am driving, if I am driving behind someone, Parker will say, "Mommy, don't BONK that car!!"

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If Parker doesn't like that you are talking, in a very demanding voice he will say, "Be quiet, Mommy, baby beepin'!" (baby sleeping)

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When Parker had his first poo in the potty, he exclaimed, "I went poo poo in the potty and it went plop, plop!"


Sunday Snippets was created by Pure Unadulterated Softthistle.

Keep Your Woody in Your Pants

I haven’t been so sick in a long time. It’s amazing how a fever really amps up the sucky feeling factor. I don’t have energy for much right now, so I thought I would just share a quick funny that deserves its own post.

A few nights ago, I was rocking Parker before bedtime and reading him a story.

Parker suddenly interrupted me. “Mommy! My woody is out of my pants!”

What?! I thought. I looked over his shoulders and down to his crotch, almost not wanting to look at what was going on.

There I saw Toy Story’s Woody riding on Bullseye with a Yee-Haw! in his eyes. This is the fun picture displayed on the front of my son’s pull-up pants.

“Oh, yes,” I said with chuckle. “Parker, keep your Woody in your pants.”

“Oh, ok,” Parker said as he snapped the top of his pajama pants shut.

Forget Turkey and Stuffing, I'll have Pennies and Dimes!

Does anyone else out there find it disturbing that The Internet can either tell you that everything is going to be alright, or in the next page load, that death is imminent and the emergency room is calling your name?

So many people caution against using The Internet for medical advice, but it is hard to resist when you have a burning question about, for example, your child eating a penny.

I am happy to say this did not happen on my watch. My son “might have” eaten a penny the other night while my husband was watching him. Now, do not be upset with my husband. He is a good, dear father, and those pennies are tantalizing things, I hear, to the average two year old.

My husband told me yesterday, “I think Parker ate a penny last night.”

“Are you serious?!” I asked looking down at Parker. What does this mean? I thought.

My husband goes on to say, “He was playing with his piggy bank, and then I heard him make some kind of coughing, choking sound in his throat, but he looked fine. I didn’t see anything happen. Then, I asked him, ‘Parker, did you eat a penny?’ and Parker said, ‘Yes.’”

I just stood there with my mouth open and looked down again at Parker. Parker just looked up at me.

My husband went on, “He had a poo this morning and there was nothing in it.”

I couldn’t get to the computer fast enough. But, tell me, why do I go to The Internet when I KNOW that some sites will say, “Not to worry!” and other sites will say (in so many words), “Death is imminent!”

We don’t even know for sure if he actually swallowed the penny.

Most of the respectable sites said it could take a few days for the penny to pass without any incident. There would be other signs if it was lodged somewhere dangerously in the body somewhere. So, it is a waiting game, if it exists.

I Love My Bub!

Over at Krista’s blog, Picture Imperfect, Krista wrote 10 Things that made her happy and recommended that others do the same. Krista’s blog is highly recommended, full of beautiful photography and musings. She is also valiantly quitting smoking and deserves some major kudos for the success she has had with it so far!

So, I have decided to do 10 Little Things I Love About My Bub so that I can prove to all of you out there that I truly love my little maniac deeply from the bottom of my heart, and I really do not think he can be an asshole (well, let’s just be honest, I guess I’ve thought that a couple of times).

Ok, feel the luuuuuv, baby!

1. My bub says “Thank you” in a way that melts people’s hearts. Actually, he says, “Tank you!” in his cute little voice, and he says it all the time! I kiss him on the cheek, and he says, “Tank you!” I put him in his crib and put the blanket over him, and he says, “Tank you!” I wipe his nose, and he says, “Tank you!” Sometimes, he will be having so much fun with a particular toy that he will look up at me in the middle of playing and say, “Tank you!” Ohhhh, precious.

2. If I catch his eye in the rearview mirror, he bursts into this big smile and laughs like a goof.

3. When I drive on an on-ramp to the freeway, Parker loves the speed. He shouts exuberantly, “Go, Go, Go!” We get on the freeway and yell, “Woo, hoo!”

4. Almost every slightly-odd behavior can eventually be linked back to his Cars obsession. Every once in a while, Parker will (with great excitement) completely lick the side of my face or my husband’s. Then, I saw the tractors (on the movie Cars) licking Mator and realized where that came from. The daycare lady says that Parker acts like a “monster” and chases everyone growling. I had to clarify, “No, he is acting like Frank. The combine. In Cars.” Now that some speech is more understandable, we realize that he is saying, “Dinoco’s all mine!” instead of thinking he is simply grabbing his toys and saying “All mine!” Well, I could go on and on.

5. Parker is full of the dance! It is great. As soon as any kind of music comes on – whether you start singing, or the TV plays music – Parker just starts DANCING. He puts his shoulder into it and everything. If it is hip-hop type music, he gets on the floor and acts like he is break dancing. If ballet dancers are on Sesame Street, he glides around like them. He has even been known to naked flashdance! (Check out my January 2010 Naked Flashdance post).

6. Sometimes when you pick him up, he will put his head on your shoulder and pat your back like he is consoling you.

7. Out in public, Parker is very social. He likes saying hi to people and checking things out. I see this as a sign that he has a go-getter type personality, jumps into life, and doesn’t have much fear. I have been embarrassed many a time when I realize that I am STARING at a mother or father and their child - WHO IS JUST STANDING THERE WITH THEM. If Parker is not contained, he is ON THE MOVE, running, checking things out, grabbing things, talking to people.

8. Parker calls all fish his “babies” (fish in a tank, play/plastic fish, pictures of fish). I do not know where this came from. But it is damn cute. My husband and I just giggle when we hear this because it is nothing but just really adorable.

9. So far, Parker seems to respond well to discipline, behaves very well at daycare, and with some sleep training sleeps through the night and takes reliable naps. These types of things are very important to parents, and so even when I’m totally frustrated by picky eating, normal whining, and tantrums, I know I am lucky and grateful for the fact that he’s not a TOTAL freak and he sleeps well.

10. Parker seems to be pretty artistic all around. At a very early age, he loved coloring. His fine motor skills are great for a boy his age. He loves music and dancing. AND! He ACTS! Yes, he is an actor too. He is a triple threat. He lays down at the bottom of the stairs and goes, “Oh, oh!” He acts like he fell down the stairs. He acts like he has fallen off the bed too! He lays at the bottom of it and does the same thing! Oh, he is so silly.


He is a silly, silly guy. Now do you believe I don’t think he’s an asshole (all the time)? Geesh!