I have been charged to list 7 things that annoy me, bother me, piss me off, make me grumpy, IRRITATE me (said with a growl). You get the idea.
I have no problem doing this. Sadly, I am a person with many pet peeves. Recently, I wrote a list in a post, “I’d Rather Put a Cigarette Out in my Eye Than…” Go ahead, check that out too. But, people, I was not done. There are other things to list, and here they are. (By the way, I complain about these things so ferociously that my closest family and friends could probably write the list for me.)
1. Gum popping. Gum poppers and aggressive chewers, stop already!! What are you, cows? Chewing your cud? Loud gum chewing and popping is ugly and should be banned world wide.
2. Chewing ice. When people chew ice, it is so loud that an entire room that seats 100 f-ing people can hear it. People turn around and look and stare and FIND the person that is doing it. Doesn’t that alone make this person stop?? Oh, no! The ice-chewer ENJOYS making others miserable. Or, at least, this is what I think.
3. Loud smacking of the mouth for any reason. It is uncalled for.
(Are you sensing a pattern here? I know. I am crazy. And extremely sensitive to oral noise issues, but you asked for it.)
4. Solicitors. Do not come to my house. Do not ring on my doorbell. Do not ask me any questions. I am home. I am done. I hate you.
5. Chirpy, happy birds before 8:00 am or any other time they seem to be piping up a little too much. PETA lovers beware: I visualize shooting birds with a gun when they chirp and wake me up. I sleep with ear plugs. (I know! I’m crazy! I have sound problems.) Every bird I hear through the ear plugs should die.
6. Sparky must die too. You may be surprised to hear that I have never been truly annoyed by any other neighbor dog, EXCEPT for Sparky. He is the lowest life form I have ever encountered and he must be destroyed. I do believe I could get a petition around this neighborhood for him to be exterminated. I bet the mail lady would sign it as well (she has the scars to justify it).
I only get one more?! Hmmmm. Which one should I choose?
7. If I am tired, that is it. I cannot fake or act nice, chit-chat, or pretend to care. If I am tired, you know I am tired, and I am done. Sleep is very important to me and anything that gets in the way is a problem.
I’m sorry if this sounds so negative, but WOW! I really liked getting it out. It was fun for me!
25 comments:
Hi Kristy...have you eaten any delicous ripe strawberries lately??
Oh, I forgot to ask you: you did enter the contest for the free query critigue, right? If so, good luck!!
Sorry....accidentally signed in as my son,Alec. So, no 15 yr old boy is stalking you , just his dork at the keyboard mother.
Oh, God....too funny. Scariest part is that I agree with every single one of them. Should I be proud...or very afraid?
It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to yell at the gum-snapper, "SHUT THE EFF UP! CAN YOU HEAR YOURSELF???"
'Kay. I'm done.
WHOA.
I just had an epiphany.
You know what? You. are. just. like. me.
I LOVE to complain-anyone who's around me for more than...hmm...thirty seconds (?) would know this! And I also dislike it when dogs bark in general. Our neighbors have two really little and really shrill dogs....ugh.
I used to work with this guy and we'd have to eat together a lot. And the guy chewed with his mouth open. The rest of us at the table would cringe, knowing what we were in for. The man was 40 years old and single, and he'd tell us about this great date - and then he'd mention they'd gone out to dinner and he never heard from her again. I was trying to decide whether I should do him a favor and tell him that he completely grossed her out with his lip smacking and didn't his mother teach him to chew with his mouth closed? But I just couldn't do it. I guess I'm not a giver.
Hey lady! I am glad that you are getting back on track today. This entire weekend has been so bad for me! However, I am absolutely getting myself back into the frame of mine of being healthy. We are going to New Orleans at the end of the week and I know that it is going to be hard to be good there. So, if i at least try now it won't be as hard.
I think that I am going to splurge (sp?) and get my nails done tomorrow. I have also been telling myself that my hair looks awesome! I have hair issues, what can I say?!
Your welcome, world.
For tagging Kristy, of course. Brilliant list! And I know, seven. I was just getting warmed up after seven.
I sleep with ear plugs too, btw. We artist types are sensitive I guess. Or something.
Ouch!! Glad you got that off your chest. I can totally identify with the whole chewing gum thing. I don' t get it at all. Why was gum even invented? Extremely frustrating ... sorry, "fascinating" ... stuff.
TOTALLY FUNNY, KRIS. OMG, I could have listed every one of these. By the time I got to Sparky, I could hardly catch my breath from laughing so hard! You know, all these are things that drive me crazy. #8 would be coffee slurping! ILY, totally. Mom
I am totally with you on the gum poppers/ ice chewers/ mouth smackers. People who chew with their mouths open also make me insane. I am SO sensitive to noise, it's amazing. And here I thought it was just me - nice to know I am not alone in my pathological hatred of mouth-related noises!
Wow! I am feeling so good from all the support of smacking, popping, chewing, and slurping haters! Thought I was crazy. Turns out the slurpers and smackers are! :)
I love this for a meme!
Why do the solicitors still knock on my door even though I have a big ole "no soliciting" sign on my door? And then they try to convince me that they are not selling me anything. I hate them.
my peta loving heart just shriveled a little! :p
oh and i'd have to add people who chew with their mouth open. grooosss!!!
Venting is super healthy and then I get to laugh and say me too me too lol
Haha! You crack me up Kristy! I'm with you on the gum poppers. So annoying! lol
Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my OH NO HE DIDN'T! post. Your comment had me laughing and feeling bad for you as well. Thanks again. Have a great day.
Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud
@TweetingMama
HAHAHAHA! love it! the world would run out of words and wine before i could complain about all my peeves. keep it real, woman!
Oh my god! The birds. THE BIRDS!! When I tell my hubs that the birds are driving me crazy in the mornning, he accused me of being like Sarah Jessica Parker's crazed roommate in the movie failure to launch. I lie awake and plot how they can be exterminated. No lie. Tweety seriously must die!! Anyway, I feel your pain.:)
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