This week's Write on Edge Red Writing Hood prompt is to tell a story with this picture as a prompt:
I am revisiting my fictional character, Kate and Marisa. You can read more about them here and here.
...............
“Yes, I absolutely want real mayonnaise. It wouldn’t be a BLT without it,” Kate said.
“Just checking,” the waitress said, giving a smile and collecting the menus off the table.
“Mayonnaise is gross,” said Marisa, giving Kate a face.
“I was waiting for you to say that,” Kate said. “The fact you don’t eat mayonnaise or bacon is downright prissy and stuck-up.”
“No, it’s healthy. And you’re a bitch.”
“Smoke much?” Kate asked Marisa.
“Bitch,” answered Marisa.
“Well, maybe I’ll feel a little better once I hear from fuck face.”
“I always know you’re really into someone when you use terms of endearments like ‘fuck face,’” Marisa said. “Is he the reason we’re here anyway, stuffing ourselves with fried food and Long Island Ice Teas?”
“You can thank him later,” Kate said.
“I thought so.” Marisa looked at her friend for a moment, considering how to choose her words. “Kate, when are you going to figure out that this guy really is a…fuck face and move on? I want Kate back! You know, the free spirited girl who doesn’t care what anybody thinks of her, much less a total idiot who can’t see the fucking hot, amazing woman in front of him.”
Kate only stared blankly back at Marisa.
“I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. Right now, I only love mayonnaise. And bacon,” Kate said.
Marisa sighed. “I’m gonna go smoke a cigarette.”
Kate took the opportunity to text Fuck Face.
Hey, Marisa’s talking bad about you. Like you always say she does. I think I agree with her. Fuck off.
The waitress approached the table. “Your food is almost ready. Do you need anything while you wait?”
“Yes, we’ll take another round, thanks.”
Kate went outside to share the cigarette with Marisa.
17 comments:
Now you've got me wondering if he'll text her back, what she'll do next, etc!
Marisa is such a great, real, raw character. I like her a lot. Good job with the dialogue. It's very original. Good stuff.
You do such a great job of keeping us guessing with each and every line.
It will be interesting to see how he responds to that text! It's always good to have a friend like that-one who's not afraid to hurt your feelings a little if it's going to help in the long run.
Your dialog is real and I felt like I was watching the scene unfold and not just reading it. You did such a wonderful job on this prompt!
I love how she's lost in her sandwich- that it is all she's concerned with at that moment. I've TOTALLY been there.
I love the banter in the beginning. So real and honest. Good friends are this blunt with each other and your dialog is perfect. Great piece!
That photo made me hungry! Gotta' go have some lunch!
Those two have quite the attitudes!
My only critique is they felt very similar, their voices difficult to separate. You might want to consider characteristics you can give to each so they sound very distinct.
I'll be wondering if he texts back myself. My BFF is like this with me, we have such ease in our conversations that's hard to seperate us. Nice job!
I like it! More?
There you go always leaving us hanging!
Love it. You always write with no fear.
Hmm.... this is far from over... that text isn't the end of it. I can't see him just walking away.
I'll be waiting to read more!
Boy does THAT ring true!
Very nice.
Pearl
Yeeeeees!
(((( Power to the WOMEN ))))!!!
No punches pulled here, just girlfriends telling it like it is.
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