The Blooper Reel (Family Vacation Part 1)

Oh, what a time we had at our favorite Mexican beach resort.

Honestly, we were better behaved this year than last. Nobody fell! There was no renegade poop. There was no anger-death-screams in the car. There was no vomiting and heart burn. The number of F-bombs was decreased when children were around. There was no heckling of young, skinny people. There was no shameless flirting with locals, nor yelling out the window in Mexico, "Feed your dogs!"

No, we did not do these things.

"What did you do then?" You may ask, "Did you people have any fun at all?"

Examples of why we are still a rip-roaring group, and you are all jealous of our fun (Winning!):

-Although there was no out-and-out heckling, my brother kept ogling this beautiful and tan lady on the beach. He'd say, "Look at her. She's got this hot body and can just go lay down on a towel in the middle of the beach and look great." (I did not look over at the time, but he may have been rubbing his belly while taking a drag on a cigarette after saying that.) All I said was, "Ack, she'll have skin cancer in 5 years."

-My son had a fascination for making jokes about pooping in the elevator. Every time we would take the resort elevator, we would hear a gleeful squeal. "I'm going to poo-poo in the vator!" Parker would get in the elevator, squat a little and make grunting noises. We would watch him and laugh (this is the kind of idiot stuff that my family things is top-notch comedy). He would then stand and shout, "Poo poo!" We would yell, "Yea!" It was a festive time.

-We have always found certain Mexican signs around the resort hilarious. They have a canny way of wording things. The resort officials are teasers, they are. They like to tempt you with something that sounds FUN, FUN, FUN, and then promptly say, "No." Here is an example of a sign at the Aqua Bar:

"Get on the roof of the Aqua Bar it's not allowed."

Do you see what I mean?! It starts with, "Get on the roof of the Aqua Bar," and already my little brain is thinking, "This place is right up my alley!" or, "Good idea!"

But no. If you do not have adult ADHD, and you are able to read on and finish the statement, you see the eloquently stated, "It's not allowed."

Crushed. No fun. Fun haters.

Here are more examples of this same thing at the resort:

"Dive off the bridge into the pool it's not allowed."

"Dive off the roof of the Aqua Bar it's not allowed."

It's not allowed, people. It's not allowed.

So then, imagine our delight (or humiliation, depending on your level of drunkenness), when we were at dinner and being serenaded by some charming mariachi. My son must have thought this was un-called for and kept shouting at them while they sang, "It's not allowed! It's not allowed!"

photo from here

-We discovered a favorite past-time of finding dead fish on the beach in the mornings after the tide went out. Always one with social grace, my son would laugh every time he saw one. "Look, Mommy! It's dead! Ha, ha, ha, ha!" So, being the good mommy I was, I would take pictures of them. Now he can still look at them and laugh.


-My son was gaining some confidence in swimming back and forth between the stools at the Aqua Bar. The first time he did this on his own, he shouted to everyone, "I didn't die!"

-We are now using this photo as a teaching tool for Parker. "See, look, Parker! You hold your pee-pee like that when you stand to pee! Mommy doesn't need to hold it for you!"


There were so many other adventures...I simply cannot relate them all - My new stepfather attempted to buy Mexico out of Nicorette gum, I held my niece's armpits to help her squat above an untrustworthy toilet, and speaking of new stepfather, there was a surprise wedding too!!!! I have a new stepfather! This is a blessed and happy thing. That story will be my next blog post in Part 2 of our family vacation, "The Rom Com."