The sound of brush on canvas was all she desired to hear. The tension of the day almost released through the quick movement of her hands. Her subject this time was the massive, breathtaking landscape of The Grand Canyon, but if you looked closely, the detail given to a pack mule was beyond intricate. She had spent countless hours perfecting this part of her current piece without quite understanding what drew her to it. As she banged the brush on the side of the easel, shaking off water, her husband walked in and stood behind her.
She could hear him breathing behind her, and then a low burp that he tried to mask by slowing blowing it out.
"What is that? Are you in here drawing a jackass?" he asked.
She said nothing and only waited for him to leave.
He chuckled. "A freaking donkey," he said, shaking his head and walking away.
We all carry our loads, she thought.
This was a piece for
Red Writing Hood. Write a flash fiction of 300 words or less with the following inspiration: LIFE.
18 comments:
Good one!
So good! Wonder flash fiction. We do all carry our loads... Love the imagery.
Above comment was supposed to say "wonderful" NOT "wonder" flash fiction... Sleepy fingers cannot type!
Great job with the flash fiction. I feel like I'm in the room watching this play out.
I like it. I was drawn in immediately and felt like the fly on the wall of the scene.
Lovely. It was so intense- the few words that you have used making this even more sensational.
tried to mask by slowly blowing it out ... (perfect description!)
That last line is perfection!
I think we all know who the real jackass is here!
I love how you sum it all up with that last sentence!
nice. i agree - the last line is poetic!
Nice!
I have to agree with the others... the last line was perfect.
You did a great job with the descriptions!
HA! This was brilliant! Loved that last line. And I was all ready to begin analyzing why she focused on the pack mule...hehe, pretty obvious why after he burped. Awesome response to the prompt!
Stopping by from TRDC.
Wow. That was awesome! I loved that her patience with her annoying husband mirrored not only her patience in painting the donkey, but also the patience of donkeys themselves.
Thank you, all, for the comments!
I hope people are thinking further about it and wondering (in a harsher reality), perhaps the woman is the donkey?
I think the detail that grabbed me, grossly enough, was the husband's masked belch.
It changed the whole tone, focused the energy of the piece.
Well done!
Loved this! The last line was perfection, and I agree with CDG - the belch really said a lot. As crazy as that sounds!
And yes, the woman is also the donkey, carrying her load of a husband..
I feel guilty saying this, but . . . I tend to skip over flash fiction entries (in general, that is). I not only read this but loved it.
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