Warning: Here is a surly moment from my airplane ride on Sunday.
My anxiety is riding high. I can tell by the increase in my sound sensitivity. All the people around me are fuckers. This is just how I feel.
I used to wonder at my sound sensitivities. Why do I go through moments when noises get the best of me? It turns my brain into scrambled eggs and soon I’m fantasizing about violence, or in the least, making very rude remarks. Like, “When you pop your gum like that, you are really UGLY.” Or, “Nobody likes loud page-turning magazine fuckers.” Or, “What kind of asshole thinks we all want to hear you chew ice?”
A therapist years ago (Yes, I’m sure it helps you feel better knowing that I have been “therapized.”) keyed me in on the fact that these are indicators that my anxiety is running high. No, I am not turning into a rage-filled lunatic ready to take everyone out. I’m just feeling anxious is all. On edge. Uncertain. NOT IN CONTROL of everything.
And when that happens, I get all ballistic about people that CHAT a little too loud or have the audacity to chew. For crying out loud. I have, sadly, even snapped at my mom before about banging on the computer keys too loud. She was so sweet. She said, “But, Kristy, they’re broken. I’m sorry. I’m trying to be quiet.”
The next day, I discovered that our keyboard had been attacked by a one-year old maniac, and the keys were, indeed, very hard to push, and I felt so bad that I had said anything to my mom.
Ugh. Anxiety. Waiting. Wondering. Hoping. Hearing all these INVASIVE shit noises around me. This too shall pass.
30 comments:
Now I know why I had days like that when my kids were little.
Are you a musician by chance? My ex-boyfriend, who is a musician is the exact same way. I am able to totally ignore background noises of any kind but he could hear a mosquito pissing in the wind and get mad because it disturbed him.
Hi Kristy,
your post makes me think of strawberries, for some reason :)
I'm sorry :(
so hilarious! I'm sure it's so hard to not say those things out loud. or do you?
Chele, that's funny you say that. I would not say I am a musician per se, but I am proficient with flute (doesn't that sound funny?) - and some piano.
Kerry, I write these things. But you know what? My brother SAYS them. When he picked me up from the airport, he instantly starts talking about his flight and how he got so mad he was dropping F bombs on the plane afraid of being kicked off. We laughed. I write it. He says it.
Gum-crackers and snorters are what get me going. I totally understand your frustration. Thanks for the giggle. SITS sent me by, and I'm glad they did!
One for the Road
Loud chewers are awful!
For me it's throat clearing or sniffling. That makes me INSANE! Reason #400 I am more emotionally healthy now that I work at home. Offices always build my anxiety level.
oh Kristy... i so agree with you.. i think i need therapy as well.... sometimes i cannot subdue the voices in my head... at times i really think i could murder someone... i have never been proud about it but just saying.... and i also think that had i been in ur place, my mum would have thrown me out of the house...
xoxo
I actually feel like this quite often but I don't usually verbalize what I'm thinking. I will *think* hard at you and curse you in my mind, but I internalize it most of the time. That's probably why I have an ulcer.
My pet hate is hearing people eat. I can totally relate to this post, totally.
Well as a friend of mine said the other day it's either because you're Type A or Type ADD! I think we all have those moments when the slightest things piss us off.
Thanks so much for your sweet comments on my SITS Day. Returning the love!
sshhhh, I'm trying to read...
I'm chuckling but honestly...chewing. Gets me every time. And scraping cutlery??? Or worse - banging cutlery on teeth. Grrrr. I feel your pain!! Stopping by from SITS :-) (love Glen's comment by the way!)
Ice crunchers ARE a bunch of fucktard assholes.
This post made me laugh. Of course, I'd just yelled SHUT UP at my kids. Awesome mom moment.
Oh Kristy. You wouldn't be a type A personality by chance? I so want to be in control of everything...so much that I think my lesson here on earth is that I can't be. I mean really, life is constantly changing things up just to teach me that I have no say over what happens ever. So, for me too, anxiety runs high...if you know a solution for it, please send it my way :)
To answer your question (quietly) Yes... pretty much every damned day! lol!
Omg you are hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh :)
I am similar to you...I'm thinking about making an appointment for some medicine when it happens so that I can hang on to my relationships.
I.SO.GET.THIS.
I haven't had the pleasure of being "therapized" so it never occurred to me that moments when I feel this way, I am extremely anxious and not in control.
Perhaps I should look into being medicated.
Counldn't hurt.
Wow, I can't believe I never made the correlation between sound sensitivity and anxiety! I get that way sometimes...when the tv is just way too loud, my husband eating sounds like a pig at a trough....it all makes sense now. Thanks for the epiphany!
Kisha, I know, right??!! It was an epiphany to me too.
Yup, I am type A, people. Oh yeah.
Ugh. Type A, and very sensitive to noise when I'm anxious too. And besides that, people are just freaking annoying ;)
I'm pretty good at blocking background noise, but anxiety amps up everything.
I get like this from time to time. Thank God it's not every day. I'd kill myself.
I feel this way more times than I care to remember. The gum-snapping, the lady who wants everyone in a 50-foot radius to hear what she has to say, the chick who's so busy yakking on her cell, she doesn't even see her toddler's dumping all the deposit slips out of the holder at the bank. That's when I go to my happy place...and order a martini. 3 olives, please.
Yep, I get it about the gum chewers, especially when they sit right behind me on the bus. For some reason, if the sound is behind me, it makes me 600 times more irritable. But you know what sound makes me CRAZY? When people cut their nails with clippers. On public transport! Urgh. Revolting.
Oh, and? I hate the sound of people chewing. HATE. IT.
OK, I think I'm done now.
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