We have all joked in our family that our grandma will outlive us all! She will break records and live to be 115! She will dance at her great-grandchildrens’ weddings and keep a personal trainer at the gym. We are surely setting ourselves up for the extreme outrage that would come if we were wrong. But we did not think of the possibility that we were wrong. That is just how other-worldly and amazing our grandma is.
This may be it. This may be the end for my grandma. And it will never be enough.
Even if there is some great surprise around the corner (she has a years to live!), it will never be enough.
Have I shown her enough just how special I think she is? Is there anything left to be done, to cram in, to bring her? Is it enough that I am there to hold her hand? Am I enough?
She is always the woman that was hard to buy for. She seemingly has “everything.” And here I am, still, wondering if there is anything I can bring to her. I have nothing.
I am sitting in the airport of my childhood city, waiting for a connecting flight to get to her. I find it a little ironic that I stop here, in Phoenix, before going on to her in California. I can hear people complaining of the heat. We have not boarded yet because the temperature on the plane is not “acceptable.” You would never know it, sitting here in the AC controlled terminal. The Phoenix airport is where I learned to travel. It is the airport I first navigated myself. It is the airport where I have been the most. It is the airport where an escalator nearly sucked my child into a frenzy of metal hell and tarnation.
It is the airport that interrupts my journey to get to her. It feels that it is an eternity to get to where I need to be. Life keeps getting in the way.
But, there is a voice. It tells me, stop fighting. Let life happen. Everything you have is enough. Everything you are is who you are meant to be at this moment. Retire the boxing gloves and ride the waves that come. Be grateful for every single moment. Moment by moment by moment.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
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18 comments:
I think the only thing you can do is embrace her and soak her in while she is there and ask her what she might be able to give you. It is only from our elders that we learn our most valuable lessons in life.
I know so well how you feel. Six years ago I was doing the same thing trying to get to my mom's hospital bed before she slipped away. The layover in Dallas nearly killed me. I spent the entire trip with tears brimming. I couldn't let them come. Couldn't admit to mulyself that the most wonderful woman in my life was rapidly losing her own.
I pray you make it to your grandma's side and you spend that time telling her again for the hundredth time how you love her, how she has shaped your life, how proud you are to be her granddaughter.
Big hugs as you spend this time with your grandma!!!
Will be thinking of you...
Good luck on this journey.
Here's hoping it isn't it, and that she will surpass all records/expectations and live to be 130.
You are enough. Trust me.
I hope you get to spend some wonderful time with your grandma, and create some beautiful memories to stay with you.
thinking of you xox
Thinking of you. And you? Are absolutely enough.
Wonderful post. Hope the time you spend with your grandma leaves you with many pleasant memories.
Hi Kristy - it is not nothing you bring to your Grandma today, it is everything. All she wants I am sure right now is to see you, and here you are, getting on another plane so as to do just that. I hope it is good news, whatever good news might mean in this situation.
Oh Kristy... this is such a beautiful post.. i felt like crying in the end... I wish your grandma good health... all the best...
What an awesome message. Enjoy your time with your grandma!
Safe flight and positive thoughts.
You have no idea just how much this post resonates with me right now... I spend more time than I want in the two airports that connect me to my family and my Dad, who is not well, and will not be getting better.
So yes, go, breathe, spend each moment as it comes... and you know, you do have something for your Grandmother, you have yourself, and that is more than enough.
Thinking of you xxx
I hope all is well with your Grandma. Enjoy all the moments you share with her. You will always have them, no matter what.
I hope your grandmother pulls through. :-(
I know how you feel. My grandmother is 94 and still going. My daughter is 16 this month, so my grandmother may just dance at her wedding someday. We all hope so, anyway.
YAY!! I'm your 200th GFC follower! I found your blog thru your feature on "Magically Ordinary". Have a safe trip!
Heather from Mommy Only Has Two Hands!
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